American essays -- 19th century; Short stories, American
Are the New York children to be frozen this winter, I want to know?
Are their legs to be bared from the knee to the tip of their little
white socks, just above the ankle, to please some foolish mother, who
would rather her child were a martyr to neuralgia and rheumatism, its
natural life, than to be out of fashion? Are sneezing babes to face the
winter wind in embroidered muslin caps, lined with silk, the costly lace
borders of which are supposed to atone for the premature loss of their
eye-sight? Are little girls to shiver in cambric pantalettes, and skirts
lifted high in the air by infantile hoops? Are their mothers to tiptoe
through the all-abounding “slosh” of New York streets, in paper-soled
gaiters, and rose-colored silk stockings? And yet one scarcely cares
about the latter, because the sooner such “mothers of families” tiptoe
themselves into their graves, the better for coming generations; but for
the children, one can but sigh, and shiver too; and inquire, as did an
old-fashioned physician of a little undressed victim, “If cloth was so
dear that her mother could not afford to cover her knees?” It is a
comfort to look at the men, who, whatever follies they may be guilty of
(and no human arithmetic can compute them), have yet sense enough to
wear thick-soled boots, and wadded wrappers in the proper season. One
looks at their comfortable garments and heaves a sigh for breeze and
mud-defying pantaloondom; for with the most sensible arrangements for
skirts, they are an unabated and intolerable nuisance in walking; and
yet those horrid Bloomers! those neutral, yet “strong-minded” Miss
Nancys! with their baggy stuff-trowsers, flaping fly-aways, and
cork-screw stringlets. I _could_ get up a costume! but alas! the brass
necessary to wear it! I see now, with my mind’s eye, the jaunty little
cap, the well-fitting, graceful pants, the half-jacket, half-blouse--the
snow-white collar, and pretty fancy neck-tie--the ravishing boot--the
nicely fitting wrist-band, with its gold sleeve-buttons; but why awake
the jealousy of the other “sect?” Why drive the tailors to commit
suicide in the midst of their well-stocked warehouses? Why send little
boys grinning round corners? Why make the parson forget his prayers, and
the lawyer his clients? Why drive distracted the feminine owners of big
feet and thick ankles? Why force women to mend the holes in the heels of
their stockings? Why leave to scavengers the pleasant task of mopping up
dirty streets and sidewalks? Why drive “M. Ds.” to take down their
signs, and take up “de shovel and de hoe?” I’ll be magnanimous. I won’t
do it.
A PEEP AT THE OPERA.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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