Joe sighed and told her the salient details. "Quite a few mercenaries
manage to acquire a private fracas-buff." He defined the term for her.
"He makes a hobby of your career. Winds up knowing more about it than
you, yourself can possibly remember. He follows every fracas you get
into. Knows every time you cop one, how serious it was, how long you
were in hospital. He glories each time you get a promotion, is in
gloom each time your side loses a fracas. He's got pictures of you in
various poses taken from the fracas-buff magazines, and files away all
articles in which your name appears."
"Zen!" Nadine laughed in deprecation.
"That's just the beginning. After a while he starts writing you fan
letters, wanting autographed portraits, wanting a souvenir--sometimes
nothing more exciting than a button off your uniform. More often they
want a gun, sword or combat knife, particularly one they saw you using
in some fracas or other. They usually offer to pay for such, sometimes
quite fabulous amounts. Other times they want a bit of bloody uniform,
your own true blood from a time when you were in the dill and managed
to cop one."
Nadine was astonished. Antagonistic as she was, herself, to the
fracases, she wasn't particularly knowledgeable about all their
ramifications. She said, repelled, "But doesn't such morbidity disgust
you? This fawning, this slobbering--"
Joe grunted. "All part of the game. A mercenary without buffs to boost
him, to form fracas-buff clubs and such, hasn't much chance of
promotion. So far as disgust is concerned, you'd have to see one of
the really far-out ones. The gleam in an ordinarily fishlike eye when
he recounts the time you killed three men in hand-to-hand combat,
equipped only with an entrenching tool, when they came at you with
bayonets. The trace of spittle, running down from the side of his
mouth."
"And this buff of yours. Why did he give you this perfectly marvelous
car?"
"It was a she, not a he," Joe said.
Nadine's voice changed infinitesimally. "You mean you accepted a gift
of this value from a ... woman?"
Joe looked at her and grinned sourly. "I wasn't in much of a position
to refuse. The gift was in her will. She was well into her nineties
when she died. She was an Upper-Upper, by the way, and the most
knowledgeable fracas buff I ever met. She knew the intimate details of
every fracas since Tiglath-Pileser and his Assyrians captured Babylon.
She could argue for an hour on whether Parmenion or Alexander the
Great should have been given the credit for the victory over the
Persians at Issus." Joe grunted. "I suppose there should be a moral
somewhere about this kindly old lady who was the outstanding fracas
buff of them all."
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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