Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being SeriousMarsh, Richard
General
Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being Serious
Marsh, Richard
Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
"I have called with reference to the advertisement of the purse which
was found." I bowed. He seemed to hesitate. "I have lost a purse." He
looked as if he had--long years ago. "I have reason to believe that it
is my purse which you have found. I shall be happy to hand you the
cost of your advertisement on your returning me my property."
"When did you lose it?"
My question seemed to escape his notice.
"I am a clergyman in the Orders of the Church of England, and the
inscrutable laws of the Divine Benevolence have placed me in a
position which makes such a loss a matter of cardinal importance."
"Where did you lose it?"
"In town, sir--in town."
"In what part of town?"
"In the west, sir--in the west."
"Do you mean in the western postal district?"
"My topographical knowledge of this great city is scarcely sufficient
to enable me to enter into such minutiæ." He assumed an air of candour
which ill became him. "I will be frank with you. I do not know where I
lost it. The shock of the loss was so great as to make of my mind a
_tabula rasa_. I have an appointment at some distance from here in
less than half an hour. Might I ask you to give me my property without
any unnecessary delay?"
"With pleasure, on your describing it."
"Unfortunately there again you have me at a disadvantage. The purse
was my daughter's, lent to me only for the day. I have not preserved a
sufficiently clear mental picture to enable me to furnish you with an
adequate description."
"But your daughter can?"
"Precisely, if she were in town. But she is not in town. And it is of
paramount importance that I should at once regain possession of the
property. If you will allow me to look at it I shall be able to tell
at a glance if it is mine."
"I am afraid that I must request you to describe the purse lost before
I show you the one I found."
He drew himself up.
"I trust, sir, that your words are not intended to convey a
reflection?"
"Not at all. Only, as I have not breakfasted, and you have an
appointment to keep, it might be as well if you were at once to
communicate with your daughter, and request her to favour you with the
necessary description."
"Excuse me, sir, but you mistake your man. I am a gentleman, sir, like
you--a university man, sir. I came here to regain possession of my
property; you are in possession of that property; until you return it
to me I do not intend to quit this house." As he had suddenly raised
his voice, and evinced symptoms of raising it higher, I opened the
front door by way of a hint. On the doorstep stood one of the
unemployed, the remnant of a woollen muffler twisted round his neck.
"Beg pardon, guv'nor, I've come for my purse."
"What purse?"
"You know very well what purse--the purse what's advertised. You hand
it over to me, and I'm game to pay all costs. It's mine. I lost it."
"Describe the one you had the misfortune to lose."
"It was a leather purse."
"Then that is not the purse I found."
"Shammy leather, I mean."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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