Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being SeriousMarsh, Richard
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Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being Serious
Marsh, Richard
Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
"I'll tell you the story. Last year, when I was at Canterstone for the
shooting, I was placed next to a man whom I had never seen in my life,
and whom I never wanted to see in my life again. What Charlie asked
him for beats me. I believe, if he knew one end of a gun from the
other, it was as much as he did know. I doubt if there ever was his
ditto as a shot. I wiped his eye over and over again. I kept on doing
it. I couldn't help it--I had to. He never hit a bird. But he didn't
like it any the more for that. We had something like a row before the
day was over. I fancy that I said something about a barber's clerk.
Anyhow, I know I walked off there and then."
"You nice, agreeable child! It's my opinion that all you men are the
same when you are shooting--missing links. And, pray, what has this
pleasant little sidelight on the sweetness of your disposition got to
do with the new Lord Chancellor?"
"Only this--the new Lord Chancellor's the man I called a barber's
clerk."
"Tommy! How horrible!"
"It does seem pretty lively. You should have seen how he looked at me
when Datchet just now introduced us. Unless I am mistaken in the
gentleman, when this little affair of ours leaks out, and I'm brought
up in front of him and he sees who I am, he'll straightway consign me
to the deepest dungeon, and keep me there, at any rate as long as he's
Lord Chancellor. It's only a cheerful little prophecy of mine. But you
mark my words, and see."
"My poor dear boy! Whatever shall we do?"
"There's one thing I should like to do, and chance it; I should like
to kick Sir Tristram Triggs!"
"Kick who? Sir Tristram Triggs! Tommy! Why would you like to kick Sir
Tristram Triggs?"
"That's the beggar's name."
"The beggar's name? Can it be that Sir Tristram Triggs is the new Lord
Chancellor?" She threw out her arms with a gesture of burlesque
melodrama. "Tommy! Kiss me! Quick. Before I faint!"
"I never saw a chap like you for kissing."
"That's a pretty thing to say! Although we may be married, sir, we
have not yet been upon our honeymoon."
"I'll kiss you, if you like."
"Thank you kindly, gentle sir!" She favoured him with a sweeping
curtsey. "Tommy, even you have no idea of the ramifications and
complications of our peculiar situation." Mr. Stanham had removed his
hands from his pockets. They occupied a more agreeable position round
the lady's waist. "See if I don't snatch you from the lion's jaws."
"Does that mean that you will help me to escape from Holloway?"
"It means that you will never get as far as Holloway!"
"Am I to die upon the road then?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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