Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being SeriousMarsh, Richard
General
Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being Serious
Marsh, Richard
Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
Mr. Bennett shut the box with a little snap and carried it across the
room. There was something odd about his demeanour as he did this--an
appearance as though he were not engaged in the sort of labour which
physics pain. Miss Welsh, standing as though rooted to the ground,
followed him with her eyes. The expression of her countenance was one
of undisguised amazement. Her face was eloquent with a yearning to
relieve herself with words. When Mr. Bennett put the box back where he
had found it and shut the drawer she gave a kind of gasp. From Mr.
Bennett there came a distinctly audible groan. "Turn round, Mr.
Bennett, and look at me." Mr. Bennett did as he was bidden. He was not
altogether a bad-looking young man--his chief fault, from the
physiognomist's point of view, lay in the steely tint of his clear
blue eyes. Miss Jones's great big orbs seemed to rest upon him with a
certain degree of pleasure. "I need scarcely point out to you that the
burglary is a failure. The principal cause of failure is that you are
too subjective. You have quite one of the most subjective
organisations I have yet encountered. The ideal criminal must keep
himself abreast with the advance of science. In failing to do so, Mr.
Bennett, you have been guilty of a blunder which, in your case, is
certainly worse than crime. You are a dreadful example of the
burglar's blunder. I might label you, preserve you in your hypnotic
state, and use you as an illustration of a lecture I am now preparing.
But I have other views, and it is not impossible I may encounter you
again. Go to my writing-table. You will find a sheet of foolscap
paper. Write what I dictate."
Mr. Bennett went to the writing-table. He found the sheet of foolscap
paper. "Write, in good, bold characters:--
"_I am George Bennett_,
_The Burglar_.
_For further particulars apply at Acacia Villa_."
Mr. Bennett wrote as she dictated, displaying the above legend in a
striking round hand right across the sheet of paper. Miss Jones
addressed Miss Welsh:
"Hannah, in my workbasket you will find a needle and some good stout
thread. Get it out." Miss Welsh got it out. "Mr. Bennett, take off
that sack which you have wound round your body beneath your coat." Mr.
Bennett took it off. "Button up your coat again." Mr. Bennett buttoned
it up. "Hannah, take that sheet of foolscap paper, on which Mr.
Bennett has written at my dictation, and sew it firmly to the front of
his buttoned-up coat."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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