Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being SeriousMarsh, Richard
General
Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being Serious
Marsh, Richard
Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
Miss Welsh took the sheet of foolscap paper. She approached Mr.
Bennett, holding it in her hand. Mr. Bennett's hands dropped to his
sides. He regarded her with a look which was the reverse of amiable.
She eyed him with what were doubtless intended to be soft, pleading
glances. When she reached him she placed her hand timidly against his
chest. Mr. Bennett looked particularly glum. She raised the other hand
which held the sheet of foolscap paper and spread it out upon his
breast. It was legible at quite a considerable distance:
"_I am George Bennett_,
_The Burglar_.
_For further particulars apply at Acacia Villa_."
It was hardly the sort of inscription a chivalrous spirit would wish
to have displayed upon his breast by the object of his heart's desire,
or even by the woman he had promised to marry in the course of the
following morning. Miss Welsh, who seemed to feel the truth of this,
looked at him with sad, beseeching eyes. But Mr. Bennett's glumness
perceptibly increased. Then Miss Welsh proceeded to sew the
inscription on. It must be owned that it was a conscientious piece of
sewing. She first tacked it round the edges, then she sewed it up and
down and across, from corner to corner, with a hundred careful
stitches, in such a way that he would have had to tear it to
fragments, piecemeal, in order to get it off. It would have been quite
impossible to unbutton his coat while he had that inscription on. The
process seemed to make Miss Welsh extremely sad. It made Mr. Bennett
sadder still. When she had finished her conscientious piece of work
she crossed her hands meekly in front of her and looked up at him with
a rapturous gaze. Mr. Bennett did not seem to feel rapturous at all.
"Now, Hannah, take the sack which Mr. Bennett wore beneath his coat
and hold it open for him, and enable him to step inside."
The sack was lying on the floor. Miss Welsh, with a half-uttered sigh,
picked it up, and held the mouth wide open. Mr. Bennett scowled first
at the lady, then at the bag. He raised his left foot gingerly, and
placed it in the opening. Miss Welsh assisted him in thrusting his leg
well home. Then there was a pause.
"Perhaps, Mr. Bennett, you had better put you arms round Hannah's
neck," observed Miss Jones.
She was engaged in lighting a second cigarette at the ashes of the
first.
Mr. Bennett put his arms about Miss Welsh's neck and thrust his other
leg into the sack.
"Draw it up about his waist," remarked Miss Jones. By now the second
cigarette was well alight.
Miss Welsh drew it up about his waist. It was a good-sized sack, so
that, although a man of at least the average height, being drawn up it
reached his loins.
"Mr. Bennett, hold the sack in that position with both your hands."
Mr. Bennett held the sack in that position with both his hands.
"Hannah, in the bottom of the hanging cupboard you will find some
cord. Get it out."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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