Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being SeriousMarsh, Richard
General
Frivolities, Especially Addressed to Those Who Are Tired of Being Serious
Marsh, Richard
Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
The little woman's distress appeared to be genuine. She wrung her
hands. Her tears fell unheeded to the floor. Mrs. Harland gazed at her
both open-mouthed and open-eyed. Before she had recovered her presence
of mind sufficiently to enable her to understand the cause of her
visitor's emotion the door opened, and there entered unannounced--a
magnificent woman! She was very tall, and very stately, and very fat.
She weighed seventeen stone if she weighed an ounce. Her costume was
very different to that of the dowdy Jane. She was attired from head to
foot in red. She had on a red stuff dress with a train. A scarlet
mantle accentuated with its splendours the upper portion of her
person. She wore a red hat, adorned with a red feather. And her
face--as far as hue was concerned, her face matched her attire. She
surveyed Mrs. Harland through a pair of _pince-nez_. "Mrs. Harland! So
it is! How delightful! I should have known you anywhere--you haven't
altered hardly a bit."
The lady, her hand stretched out, advanced in the most condescending
fashion. Mrs. Harland shrank away.
"Louisa Brown!" she cried.
"Louisa Brown--that was; Mrs. Bindon--that is! Let me give you my
card. I had some printed just before I came away."
After some fumbling the lady produced from her pocket a gorgeous
mother-of-pearl card-case. Out of it she took a piece of pasteboard,
resplendent in all the colours of the rainbow, about four inches
square. This she offered Mrs. Harland. That lady declined it with a
gesture.
"Won't you have it? Well, I'll put it on the mantelpiece; it'll be
just the same. Dear old-fashioned mantelpieces! We don't have them out
our way--we're in advance, you know--but I remember them so well."
The lady suited the action to the word. She placed the piece of
cardboard on the mantelpiece in the most conspicuous place, on top of
the clock. Apparently unconscious that in Mrs. Harland's demeanour
there was anything peculiar, she carefully selected the largest
armchair the room contained. In it she placed her ample person. As she
arranged her skirts she remarked:
"I've come all this way to see them boys of mine. The dear lads! How
are they? I hope you haven't made them _too_ English. A little English
I don't mind, being English as it were myself; but too much English I
can't abide."
"You--impudent--creature!"
The lady put up her _pince-nez_.
"My stars! Here's goings on! May I ask if that remark was addressed to
me?"
"I never heard of such impudence in my life."
"Nor me. But some people have manners of their own. Is that the way in
which to treat a lady who comes to visit you--standing there and
staring?"
"A lady!" Mrs. Harland gasped. "Do you think I don't remember you?"
Mrs. Harland's form absolutely swelled as she glared at the big woman
seated in the easy-chair.
"You, Louisa Brown, whose name is to this day a byword in the village,
to dare to come into my drawing-room--and in those clothes!"
The big woman was not taken at all aback.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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