If she had been sincere in her religious experiences, and in all
her words and actions in that direction, how could he help believing
that she was equally sincere in the language of tone and eye, which
had revealed her heart so plainly that even he, who was the last
in the world to presume, had come to think that she loved him? And
yet he was about to make his life, and perhaps hers also, one long
regret, because he had quietly assumed that she was one of those
women whose life depends on surroundings, and to whose souls mere
things can minister more than love and the consciousness of an
heroic devotion to a sacred cause. Lottie had skilfully and clearly
given the impression she sought to convey; and this impression,
uniting with the student's love, formed a combination whose assaults
caused his supposed inflexible purpose to waver.
Lottie's quick intuition enabled her to see that she had led him
far enough at present, while they were in such close proximity
to jealous, observant eyes and attentive ears, and so, with equal
tact, she led his thoughts to more tranquillizing topics. She was
employing all the skill and finesse of which she had been mistress
in the days of her insincerity and heartless coquetry. These gifts
were still hers, as much as ever. But now they were under the
control of conscience, and would henceforth be used to secure and
promote happiness, not to destroy it.
And she felt that she had need of tact and skill. The situation was
not so very peculiar. Many had passed through just such experiences
before, but have all passed on to lives of consummated happiness?
She loved the man at her side devotedly, and was perfectly aware of
his love for her, and yet woman's silence was upon her lips. They
were soon to separate, not to meet again for many years, if ever.
She could not speak. If from any motive, even the noblest, he did
not speak, how could she meet the long, lonely future, in which
every day would make more clear the dreary truth that she had missed
her true life and happiness?--missed it through no necessity that
might in the end bring resignation, but through a mistake,--the
unselfish blundering of a man who wrongly supposed she could be
happier without than with him. It was her delicate task to show
him, without abating one jot of woman's jealous reserve, that she
was capable of all the self-sacrifice to which he looked forward,
and that, as his uncle had told him, he had no right to sacrifice
her happiness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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