From Memory's Shrine: The Reminscences of Carmen SylvaSylva, Carmen
History
From Memory's Shrine: The Reminscences of Carmen Sylva
Sylva, Carmen
Queens -- Romania -- Biography; Sylva, Carmen, 1843-1916
“When I arrived I was at first refused entrance to the room. But my mind
was fully made up. I was determined that no power on earth should now
keep us longer apart. I simply said: ‘If he is really dying, then my
presence can harm him no longer, and I insist upon being admitted!’ So
they let me in. But it was a terrible shock to see him, so changed that
at first I should hardly have known him. Only his eyes, those dear,
loving eyes, were still the same, and as they fixed themselves on me I
had the happiness of seeing the full light of recognition come back to
them. ‘Ah! my own!’ he exclaimed, stretching out his arms toward me. He
was frightfully weak, having of late refused all nourishment, under the
delusion that the attendants wished to poison him. I could, however,
prevail on him to take a little food when I brought it to him, and his
eyes never left me, following my every movement. In the midst of my
sorrow I yet felt a contentment at my heart that I had not known during
these last years, whilst I was separated from him. I might almost say I
was happy once more, just in being with him, and in feeling that his
affection was unchanged. But it could not last long--his strength was
ebbing fast--soon came the last parting, and then all was over, and I
was really alone in the wide world, with my poor, fatherless children!”
She broke down completely on these last words, and for some minutes we
sat together in perfect silence, my tears flowing in sympathy, for I was
deeply moved at witnessing her grief. Her story was made the more
touching by the simplicity with which it was told; this went to my heart
more surely than the most studied eloquence. And it was ever the one
theme--always of _him_ she spoke! She came back constantly to this one
period of life, as if all the rest--everything that had taken place
since--did not count at all. Evidently her own life had come to an end
for her when her husband died. If she lived on at all it was simply in
the idea of contributing to raise a monument to his fame. She was
really quivering with indignation when she related how on one occasion,
after one of her recitals, a lady had actually asked her if her husband
had not also been a pianist? But my contemptuous exclamation, “Oh, the
poor thing!” made her smile in spite of herself. I remember, too, how I
could never satisfy her with my rendering of the little piece called
“Happiness enough.” She was always entreating me to put more fullness
and softness into it, to make it overflow, so to say, with happiness.
And in the depths of her eyes I read the triumphant certitude that this
music told the happiness that had once been hers, and that to none other
would it ever be given to express it as she could. Ah! those were
precious hours, indeed, which I passed with her, and the lessons were
something much more to me than mere music-lessons, for even greater and
nobler than the _artist_ was the _woman_ I learnt to know in them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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