He looked at her fixedly, and said slowly: “You thought that? Well,
listen to me. I saw NO ONE! I knew nothing of this! I suspected nothing!
I returned before I had reached the wood--because--because--I had
changed my mind!”
“Changed your mind!” she repeated wonderingly.
“Yes! Changed my mind! I couldn't stand it any longer! I did not love
the girl--I never loved her--I was sick of my folly. Sick of deceiving
you and myself any longer. Now you know why I didn't go into the wood,
and why I didn't care where she was nor who was with her!”
“I don't understand,” she said, lifting her clear eyes to his coldly.
“Of course you don't,” he said bitterly. “I didn't understand myself!
And when you do understand you will hate and despise me--if you do not
laugh at me for a conceited fool! Hear me out, Miss Trotter, for I am
speaking the truth to you now, if I never spoke it before. I never asked
the girl to marry me! I never said to HER half what I told to YOU, and
when I asked you to intercede with her, I never wanted you to do it--and
never expected you would.”
“May I ask WHY you did it then?” said Miss Trotter, with an acerbity
which she put on to hide a vague, tantalizing consciousness.
“You would not believe me if I told you, and you would hate me if you
did.” He stopped, and, locking his fingers together, threw his hands
over the back of the sofa and leaned toward her. “You never liked me,
Miss Trotter,” he said more quietly; “not from the first! From the day
that I was brought to the hotel, when you came to see me, I could see
that you looked upon me as a foolish, petted boy. When I tried to catch
your eye, you looked at the doctor, and took your speech from him. And
yet I thought I had never seen a woman so great and perfect as you were,
and whose sympathy I longed so much to have. You may not believe me, but
I thought you were a queen, for you were the first lady I had ever seen,
and you were so different from the other girls I knew, or the women who
had been kind to me. You may laugh, but it's the truth I'm telling you,
Miss Trotter!”
He had relapsed completely into his old pleading, boyish way--it had
struck her even as he had pleaded to her for Frida!
“I knew you didn't like me that day you came to change the bandages.
Although every touch of your hands seemed to ease my pain, you did it so
coldly and precisely; and although I longed to keep you there with me,
you scarcely waited to take my thanks, but left me as if you had
only done your duty to a stranger. And worst of all,” he went on more
bitterly, “the doctor knew it too--guessed how I felt toward you, and
laughed at me for my hopelessness! That made me desperate, and put me up
to act the fool. I did! Yes, Miss Trotter; I thought it mighty clever
to appear to be in love with Frida, and to get him to ask to have her
attend me regularly. And when you simply consented, without a word or
thought about it and me, I knew I was nothing to you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account