Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
“I will arise at eve and repair to my neighbor’s cottage. Peradventure
the aged widow of the murdered gypsy can counsel me.”
So when the evening hour was come, the farmer arose and sought the aged
widow’s abode.
And as he drew nigh to the cottage, he lifted up his eyes and, behold!
the crone sat upon her door-step.
[Illustration: THE CRONE.]
And when the dame looked upon the farmer she knew his heart was
troubled; but she knew not the cause.
So, lifting up her voice she cried, inquiringly: “What aileth my
neighbor? Has aught befel thy goods? Has bruin descended from the
mountains to worry thy flocks? Or, are thy stacks consumed? that thus
you droop your eyelids to the path, and move as by a hearse.”
And the farmer, drawing nigh, replied: “My flocks unharmed graze sleek
upon the hills; my stacks stand unconsumed; yet is my spirit heavy,
because my walks are lonely and my heart is sad, and I come as one
seeking counsel.”
Then answered the dame reprovingly: “Out upon thee, for a fusty, dreamy
bachelor! Go take to thyself a wife; then will thy walks be no more
lonely, neither will thy heart be sad.”
But he, answering her sorrowfully, said: “Mock me not, good madam, but
look with pitying eyes upon me, and hearken to my voice.
“Behold I am now well stricken in years, my body is stooping to the
grave, my manners, like my hands, are rough; my blood, like my hair, is
thin; and my teeth but shine in memories of the past.
“How, then, can I win maidens’ hearts? Alas! on the contrary, they would
giggling flee from before me; no hope for me remains; if I would wed, I
needs must wed a squaw!” And his countenance fell.
Then was the crone exceedingly displeased, because he said, “I needs
must wed a squaw,” and she answered him derisively, saying:—
“Go to! Ye speak as with the beak of a parrot, and with the
understanding of a babe! Are ye studied in books and know not the
proverb, ‘A golden snare will catch the wildest hare?’
“Do not your stacks dot the vale below like an Egyptian camp? Are not
your tanks brimming with wine and your cribs grinning with corn?
“Do not your cattle graze upon an hundred hills? and your industrious
laborers follow in the furrow? And are ye still afeared? Oh, ye of
doubting mind!
“Go, get thee to thy chest and take to thyself suitable coin, and hasten
to that great city by the sea—whose churches point to heaven, but whose
people bow to gold.
“There sojourn for a season, and make no delay in adorning thyself with
precious stones.
“Put diamonds upon thy bosom and rings upon thy fingers, and be zealous
to stand in the hall-ways and in the market-places, and in the houses of
exchange.
“Seek to be observed of the people, and take heed that ye look upon all
men as being thy servants.
“And let thy wealth be noised abroad.
“Then shall rise up in the house of mourning the widow of a month, and
dry her weeping eyes.
“Then shall the maid of many summers lay aside her pets, to readjust her
charms, and disinter her smiles.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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