Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
As they closed around the bed, so numerous were they, their flight was
actually impeded. Down they settled with locked wings on the bar above
me, thick as snow-flakes around some old uprooted pine by the Madawaska.
I had long heard of the mosquitoes of this locality, and was prepared
for an introduction to formidable insects, but found them even worse
than I expected.
Discouraged by the mosquitoes, I fled to a neighboring city, only to
find that it is the stronghold of fever and ague. In other parts it may
be more active for a few months of the year, but here it stays by the
people like their consciences. The winds may rise and comb the valley
until the very grass is lifted by the roots and borne to the mountains.
The sun may grow weary of well doing, enter Capricorn, and for a season
be hid; or the rains may descend until the narrow slough—by which the
city is situated—becomes a wide-spreading lake, through which ships of
the line might plow with safety; but the chills and fever stays by them
still. There is no “shaking” it off. It holds its grip like a mortgage.
The tender limbs of the new-born babe, and the pithless bones of ripe
old age, shiver alike in its awful grasp.
The citizens of this sad place are a serious, matter-of-fact people, who
seem to think it was not the original intention that men should spend
any time in laughter, for they indulge very little in witticisms or
humor. A good joke is often lost upon them, and the perpetrator of a bad
one places himself in jeopardy. A person who attempts a pun that does
not carry its point before it, like a sword-fish, is in danger of being
immediately seized from behind and hurried in the direction of the
Insane Asylum.
While stopping in this delightful place I visited the small theatre of
which the inhabitants are justly proud, and shall never forgive myself
if I fail to mention the orchestra, that discoursed most eloquent music
on that occasion.
[Illustration: THE ORCHESTRA.]
Whether the regular musicians of the theatre were on a strike for higher
wages, and the manager was obliged to bring in outside talent, I did not
learn; but certain it was, the sole instrument that kept the audience
awake between the acts, the night in question, was a large piece—a
bassoon, I think—filled and manipulated by a stout, spectacled
representative from the Faderland.
In addition to the musician’s frog-shaped body—which of itself would
doubtless have attracted my attention—he had a head that was truly a
study. To say he was bald, is to make a remark that would be applicable
to about two-thirds of the gentlemen in the theatre, but to say that his
head was as smooth, as shiny, and devoid of hair, from the eyebrows to
the very nape of the neck, as a billiard ball, is hardly doing the head
justice. It seemed actually peeled.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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