Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
“So we set in to huntin’ and s’archin’ under old logs and stones, and
dead wild grass, but couldn’t git hold of anythin’. The parson fell
three times on all fours in the dirt, and gin his wrist a mi’ty bad
sprain while pursuin’ a queer, long-legg’d horned critter somethin’ like
a cricket, only pizenous, I guess. I could have caught it once, as it
went dronin’ past, but didn’t feel like touchin’ it. Finally it got
stuck into a clump of ferns, and he gin it up. So arter a while he ses,
‘I’ll have to go back and try that old Shellbark ag’in, though I’d
ruther take a dose o’ ipecac than do it.’
“So we come back to whar he was fishin’. He looked mi’ty solemn, and was
muddy as an old stone boat. Ses the parson to him, ‘I’ll have to call on
you ag’in for another _dead_ worm; the one you gin me is all gobbled
up.’
“‘Seems to me you’re mi’ty extravagint with the bait,’ he ses gruffly,
and switchin’ his line around and slingin’ it out far as the pole would
let it go, but not makin’ the least motion to comply with the parson’s
request.
“‘Waal, I don’t know how that is,’ ses Parson Bodfish, kind of easy
like, and tryin’ to keep down his anger, that I seed was rizin’ jest
like bilin’ sugar, ‘I nabbed four rousin’ good fish with that one bait.
I reckon that’s doin’ pooty well; fact I know it is. They seem to bite
fust rate at dead worms jest now.’
“‘Waal, I don’t know anythin’ about that,’ ses the old narrow gauge,
‘s’posin’ you cut up some of your fish and see if you can’t catch
somethin’ with that sort of bait; fish bite pooty well at that sort of
an offerin’ jest before rain, they say.’
“‘Then you ain’t a gwine to give me any worms?’ ses the parson, in a
husky voice, and shakin’ like a rag in the wind, he was so chock full of
passion.
“‘Waal, this is a sort of curious world, Mr. Bodfish,’ ses old
Shellbark, slow and niggardly like, jest that way, ‘and without a feller
looks out for himself he ain’t considered nothin’. ‘Sides you know,’ he
contin’ed, ‘fish bait is a good deal like an oyster or a bean—somethin’
that’s mi’ty hard to divide with a feller,’ and he commenced to troll
along down stream.
“Apple sass and spinage! I never did see a man so riled as that Parson
Bodfish was sence I could distinguish the moon from a lightnin’ bug. He
changed to all the colors of the rainbow by turns in less time than I’m
tellin’ ye. You never seed sech a struggle between sin and piety as
raged inside that parson for about five minutes.
“Fust piety seemed to be gettin’ on top, then sin would choke her down
and hold her thar. At last he turned around and run full chisel ahind
the turned up roots of a big windfall as though a gallon and a half of
black hornets war arter him. I reckoned he was gwine arter stuns to gin
the old feller a good peltin’, and that kind of work bein’ right into my
hand I ran thar too, cal’latin’ to help him do it. But I was mistaken’d.
[Illustration: SWEARING TO GET EVEN.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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