Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
“About the same time Tubbs, the cooper, was a lookin’ up, and he seed a
bough springin’ up, and he allowed the balloon was comin’ down; so he
started to run, and stepped on the foot of Kent’s snappin’ bull-dog,
that was a settin’ thar lookin’ up the tree, thinkin’ thar must be a
coon up it. The cur whirled round mad, and set his teeth into the
nighest thing to him, which happened to be old Polly Alien’s ankle. But
he got more than he bargained for, though, for she was so tuff that his
teeth stuck thar, and she was a screamin’ and a runnin’ hum, draggin’
him arter her mor’n half the way. I never did see sich an excitin’ time.
School was dismissed, and there wasn’t a lick of work done in
Tuckersville the hul day. The hul talk was ‘Sam Patterson’s balloon, Sam
Patterson’s balloon.’ I didn’t have to pay a picayune for anything for
mor’n three weeks. Parson Jones preached a tellin’ sermon about the
balloon, and thar wasn’t standin’ room in the church; they had to keep
the windows open and let people standin’ on the outside stick their
heads in and listen. He likened it first to youth, when it was a rollin’
around in the back yard, whar nobody seed it, impatient and ambitious to
rise. Then like unto manhood, when it was up, a bustin’ and droppin’
down agin. Next he said it resembled old age, when it was in rags a
floppin’ around in the tree, more for observation than use. Thar wasn’t
hardly a dry eye in the hul meetin’ house. Hard-hearted old sinners
cried like teethin’ babies.
“The balloon hung in the tree all summer, and every day thar’d be a
crowd of people starin’ at it, like cats at a bird cage. A photographer
came the hul way from town, and took lots of views of the remains; and
one of Frank Leslie’s special artists come rattlin’ down thar, and sot
on a stun wall for two days drawin’ sketches of it. He said it was the
most spirited subject he had sot eyes on since he sketched the
hoop-skirt Jeff Davis was captured in. But I’m gettin’ ruther dry. Ain’t
some of you fellers agwine to call on the stimilints?”
MY CANINE.
“If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.”
_Shakespeare._
Some fond poets sing of their lady-love’s eyes,
Or lovers who sail the seas over;
But poet-like I shall gaze up at the skies,
And muse of my little dog Rover.
The canine I sing, to disease is a prey;
The mange, the distemper, and flea,
Have all had their turn, and have worn him away;
His shadow you scarcely can see.
From earliest light, until late in the night,
He’s dodging hot water and sticks;
I’m shamed to confess it, but truth I must write,
He’s a foot-ball that every one kicks.
I hear his thin cry, and his frightened “ki-yi,”
Almost any hour of the day;
And Bridget’s “Bad ’cess to the likes of your Skye,
Sure he’s here, and he’s there like a flay.”
[Illustration]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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