Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
’Tis polished, like a sword or spear,
And in the light will shine;
Thus men of learning do appear,
Where wit and sense combine.
It moves around from coat to dress,
As trouble one befalls;
Thus men should hearken to distress,
And go where duty calls.
It oft assists to hide one’s shame
Till needles can repair;
Thus should it be the Christian’s aim
To cover faults with care.
If once ’tis sprung, ‘twill bend each day,
And is no longer true;
So thus in life, one step astray
Will often lead to two.
When bent, and blunt, and black at last,
Who stoops to lift the pin?
So thus the crowds do hurry past
The crooked slave of sin.
[Illustration]
DUDLEY’S FIGHT WITH THE TEXAN.
The poor cur, kicked and scalded during the day, at night can lie and
lick his sores in peace. The scudding hare that can hold out ahead of
the baying beagles, until black Hecate waves her wand between the
hunters and the hunted, may hope to shake them off. The aeronaut, tiring
of the clamor here below, can rise above the busy haunts of men and hold
sweet communion with the gods in quiet. But I, alas, find no escape from
the inexorable plague, “Jim Dudley.”
He comes upon me like a thief in the night and mars my rest. Within the
holy sanctuary even, he whispers in mine ear. Through the busy marts and
thoroughfares he haunts me still; and tells of fights and hair-breadth
escapes, with all the glibness of an old battle-scarred veteran who has
primed his firelock in three campaigns. He talks of drawing deadly
weapons as a dentist would of drawing teeth. In all likelihood the
fellow never drew a weapon in his life, except, perhaps, at a raffle. I
had long noticed a scar on “Jim’s” forehead, but never ventured to ask
him how he got it, fearing a story would follow. Last night he detected
me looking inquiringly, and without any query on my part the following
infliction fell upon me:—
“You see that scar that looks somethin’ like a wrinkle, over my left
eyebrow, don’t ye? Wal, you can’t guess how I come by that. Cow kicked
me? No, not by a long chalk, nor a hoss nuther. I got that scar the
summer I was gwine through Texas. I’ll not forget how I got it nuther in
a hurry, for I never did have sech a narrow dodge since the night dad’s
old house burned down and I got out through the cellar drain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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