Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and PictureCox, Palmer
General
Frontier Humor in Verse, Prose and Picture
Cox, Palmer
Canadian wit and humor
A large iron-bound boot-jack, set in a glass case, was shown to me by a
saloon-keeper. He assured me, with this weapon the “Boy” had killed
several cats belonging to the neighbors which had disturbed his
slumbers. This boot-jack had also caused the death of a mule, for on one
occasion the pugilist hurled it with such violence at a cat that was
scampering across the roof of a shed that the heavy missile went through
the boards. A farmer’s mule that was standing inside received the weapon
behind the ear, and immediately went to gravel as though he had been
felled with a sledge-hammer. The farmer instituted a suit against the
“Boy” to recover damages, but the friends of the pugilist made up a
purse to satisfy the demand of the farmer, and the matter was hushed.
I was also shown a jagged hole in a high board fence, which, it is said,
the “Boy” made one night while going home from a neighboring saloon.
It seems he had some trouble with a companion before leaving the saloon,
and seeing his shadow dogging his steps, mistook it for the substance of
his late antagonist; very naturally presuming that his intentions were
anything but friendly, he turned hastily around and dissipated the
obnoxious shadow by knocking it about fifteen feet into the garden.
[Illustration: A SCIENTIFIC OPENING.]
The fence rattled and shook around the whole lot under the terrible
blow. He made a hole in the boards through which a large goat could
readily jump without sacrificing any of its hair by the performance, and
permanently injured a good-sized pear tree that stood inside the
enclosure, about three feet distant. The concussion was terrible. A
couple of turkeys that happened to be roosting in the tree at the time
dropped from their limb as though shot through the head with a
needle-gun. Never afterwards could they be induced to roost upon
anything further from the ground than the cross-bar of a saw-horse or
the handles of a wheelbarrow.
No doubt the town at one time had great expectations, as it formerly was
the capital of the State. It is now a capital joke to see a person
undertaking to walk through the town in the winter season, without faith
strong enough or feet broad enough to support him upon the surface of
the oceans of mud he will find himself gazing wistfully across.
On my way down a man was pointed out to me on the boat who is said to be
the meanest man in his county. My informant assured me that when the
mean individual’s wife died last year, he borrowed a pair of forceps
from the dentist at Benicia, and extracted all her gold-filled teeth.
And on the morning prior to her funeral he sat upon the door-step,
hammer in hand, with a flat-iron upon his knees, cracking the teeth like
English walnuts, and with a sewing awl extracting the filling from the
cavities.
During my journey I didn’t cultivate that man’s acquaintance. He is a
person to stand away from, especially when clouds are charged with
electricity.
[Illustration]
[Illustration]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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