TÁNYA [helps Theodore Ivánitch to place the things] Is that right? The
guitar here, and here the inkstand. [Places it] So?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Can it be true that they'll make Simon sit here?
TÁNYA. I suppose so; they've done it once.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Wonderful! [Puts on his pince-nez] But is he clean?
TÁNYA. How should I know?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Then, I'll tell you what ...
TÁNYA. Yes, Theodore Ivánitch?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Go and take a nail-brush and some Pears' soap; you
may take mine ... and go and cut his claws and scrub his hands as clean
as possible.
TÁNYA. He can do it himself.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Well then, tell him to. And tell him to put on a
clean shirt as well.
TÁNYA. All right, Theodore Ivánitch. [Exit].
THEODORE IVÁNITCH [sits down in an easy-chair] They're educated and
learned--Alexéy Vladímiritch now, he's a professor--and yet sometimes
one can't help doubting very much. The people's rude superstitions are
being abolished: hobgoblins, sorcerers, witches.... But if one considers
it, is not this equally superstitious? How is it possible that the
souls of the dead should come and talk, and play the guitar? No! Some
one is fooling them, or they are fooling themselves. And as to this
business with Simon--it's simply incomprehensible. [Looks at an album]
Here's their spiritualistic album. How is it possible to photograph a
spirit? But here is the likeness of a Turk and Leoníd Fyódoritch sitting
by.... Extraordinary human weakness!
Enter Leoníd Fyódoritch.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. Is it all ready?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH [rising leisurely] Quite ready. [Smiles] Only I don't
know about your new medium. I hope he won't disgrace you, Leoníd
Fyódoritch.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. No, I and Alexéy Vladímiritch have tested him. He is
a wonderfully powerful medium!
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. Well, I don't know. But is he clean enough? I don't
suppose you have thought of ordering him to wash his hands? It might be
rather inconvenient.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. His hands? Oh yes! They're not clean, you think?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. What can you expect? He's a peasant, and there will
be ladies present, and Márya Vasílevna.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. It will be all right.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. And then I have something to report to you. Timothy,
the coachman, complains that he can't keep things clean because of the
dogs.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH [arranging the things on the table absent-mindedly]
What dogs?
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. The three hounds that came for Vasíly Leoníditch
to-day.
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH [vexed] Tell Anna Pávlovna! She can do as she likes
about it. I have no time.
THEODORE IVÁNITCH. But you know her weakness ...
LEONÍD FYÓDORITCH. 'Tis just as she likes, let her do as she pleases.
As for him,--one never gets anything but unpleasantness from him.
Besides, I am busy.
Enter Simon, smiling; he has a sleeveless peasant's coat on.
SIMON. I was ordered to come.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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