THE FIGHT OF THE GOOD SHIP CLARISSA
by one who should know better
The space rocket Clarissa was nine days out from Venus. The members of
the crew were also out for nine days. They were hunters, fearless
expeditionists who bagged game in Venusian jungles. At the start of our
story they are busy bagging their pants, not to forget their eyes. A
sort of lull has fallen over the ship (Note: a lull is a time warp that
frequently attacks rockets and seduces its members into a siesta). It
was during this lull that Anthony Quelch sat sprawled at his typewriter
looking as baggy as a bag of unripe grapefruit. ANTHONY QUELCH, the
Cosmic Clamor Boy, with a face like turned linoleum on the third term,
busy writing a book: "Fascism is Communism with a shave" for which he
would receive 367 rubles, 10 pazinkas and incarceration in a cinema
showing Gone With The Wind.
The boys upstairs were throwing a party in the control room. They had
been throwing the same party so long the party looked like a worn out
first edition of a trapeze artist. There is doubt in our mind as to
whether they were trying to break the party up or just do the morning
mopping and break the lease simultaneously. Arms, legs and heads
littered the deck. The boys, it seems, threw a party at the drop of a
chin. Sort of a space cataclysm with rules and little regulation--kind
of an atomic convulsion in the front parlor. The neighbors never
complained. The neighbors were 450 million miles away. And the boys were
tighter than a catsup bottle at lunch-time. The last time the captain
had looked up the hatch and called to his kiddies in a gentle voice,
"HELL!" the kiddies had thrown snowballs at him. The captain had
vanished. Clever way they make these space bombs nowadays. A few minutes
previous the boys had been tearing up old Amazings and throwing them at
one another, but now they contented themselves with tearing up just the
editors. Palmer was torn in half and he sat in a corner arguing with
himself about rejecting a story for an hour before someone put him
through an orange juice machine killing him. (Orange juice sorry, now?)
And then they landed on Venus. How in heck they got back there so quick
is a wonder of science, but there they were. "Come on, girls!" cried
Quelch, "put on your shin guards, get out there and dig ditches for good
old W.P.A. and the Rover Boys Academy, earth branch 27!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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