Keegan thanked her and lowered his eyes. He had understood her
accusation and accepted it as authentic. He had no mother of his own and
this inspired in him a curious sense of obedience toward all mothers he
encountered. Mrs. Basine's accusation embarrassed him. The embarrassment
increased his disgust for the memory of the night. He would like to
wipe out such obscene and vulgar things. He would like to burn them up,
forbid them. Someday he would.
Basine, however regarded his mother with a sense of outrage. The fact
that her surmise of what he had done during the night was correct was a
matter of minor importance. She didn't know what he had done and
therefore she had no right to guess. He answered her angrily.
"I did nothing at all last night that I wouldn't have my sisters do."
His mother looked at him in surprise. Keegan blushed.
"You're always hinting around, mother, about things and you're
absolutely wrong. Absolutely," he added for a clincher. His eyes
remained unflinchingly on his mother.
There was a convincing air of virtue about him and a doubt entered her
mind. Perhaps she had suspected him unjustly. But he had been away all
night. She had heard him come in around six. Where could he have been if
not--in such places? Yet she felt like apologizing.
Basine fiddled with his food. He was acting out the part of injured
innocence. He was an unprotesting martyr to the low suspicions of his
family. The fact that he was guilty in no way interfered with the
sincerity of his injured feelings. His mother's accusation had sincerely
hurt him, even more than it would had he been actually innocent of wrong
doing. He transferred whatever emotional guilt he had into indignation
toward his accuser.
This was an old trick of his, developed early in childhood--a faculty
of committing crimes without becoming a criminal. More than Keegan, he
was above self-accusation. But unlike Keegan the doing of a thing he
knew to be wrong did not inspire him with the adroit remorse which took
the form of hating the thing he had done instead of himself.
The crimes Basine committed--usually no greater than normal violations
of the ethical code to which he subscribed--were things that had nothing
to do with the real Basine. The real Basine was the Basine whom people
knew. The real Basine was a characterization he maintained for the
benefit of others. The crimes were his own secret. People didn't know
them. Therefor they did not exist. They remained locked away. He did not
say to himself, "Hypocrite! Liar!"
When he denied his mother's accusation he did not of course forget the
things he had done during the night. In fact even while he spoke there
came to him a vivid memory of the prostitute.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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