He held her close to him and his mind embraced a memory. This was not
his wife he held, but someone else. A vivacious, happy girl ten years
ago. No, more than that. Almost fourteen years ago. He lay remembering
another Henrietta--a charming, delightful child. He had never been in
love with her. This he knew. But the knowledge had slowly died. When he
embraced her at night a dream obscured his memory. The dream was that he
had once loved her, that she had once been beautiful, that his heart had
once sung with desire for her.
He played with this dream. It was a make-believe that saddened him. Yet
it made the moment more tolerable. Sometimes it even brought a curious
happiness. His dream would pretend that the scrawny figure he was
holding had once filled him with ecstasies. His dream would whisper to
him that he had once idolized her and that once ... once. He would lie
editing his sterile memories of her into glowing once-upon-a-times. And
when his kisses sought her cold lips it would be to this dream-Henrietta
they gave themselves, a Henrietta who had never been. It was sad to
pretend in this way that his great love had died and that his beautiful
one had faded. But it was not as sad as to remember when he kissed her
that there had never been anything.
He felt tired when he left the house the next morning. The business of
preening for the senatorial race annoyed him. The goal lured but the
details to be managed were aggravating.
He started as he opened the door of his chambers. Ruth! He stood looking
at her without words. She was pale and there was something curious about
her. She didn't look the same.
"You look surprised," she smiled. He noticed how spiritless she was.
"But ... you don't mind my coming here, do you. I've been trying to get
you."
She turned her eyes away. He had finally discovered the change, a
physical one.
"Well," he exclaimed, "I hadn't heard the good news. How's Paul."
So she was married. And had kept it secret. He smiled. He remembered
other scenes in the room. The doors locked. Her arms around him. All
that was over now. Before her motherhood, even the memory of it seemed
less certain.
"There is no good news," she was saying. "I've come to see if you can
help me."
They sat down. Basine nodded. Money. Poor girl. Schroder was always an
ass about things.
"He's gone away," she went on. "And ... and I'd like to locate him."
"Who?"
"Paul."
She covered her face. So he had deserted her. And she had come back to
him. A momentary excitement entered his thought. But he frowned
immediately. It was distasteful to think of what might have been if ...
not for this.
An amazement came into his eyes. He stared at her as she talked. She had
been ruined by Schroder and he had never married her. And when she had
refused medical interference he had calmly left the city. He listened
blankly and could think of nothing to say.
"Oh George, you must help me."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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