Help her! He must help her! After she had lived with this man for
months, giving herself to him! He stood up and walked down the room. It
was like he used to do, pace up and down in front of her.
He wanted to talk but he found it hard. A rage was coming into his mind
that obscured his words. The rage continued. Pausing in the center of
the room Basine began to swear. His voice had grown high pitched.
"Damn!" he shouted at her, "and you come to me. Me! You bring your
filthy sins to me! Damn his dirty soul! Yes, you're fine, you are!
Leaving me to go with that chippy-chaser. I thought ... I thought you
were somebody."
He stopped, his fist in the air. She was walking away.
"Ruth," he called after her, "listen, wait a minute."
The door closed after her. Basine stood watching the door. She would
open it and come back. But the door remained shut. He seated himself at
his desk. Moments passed and he was surprised to wake up and hear
himself mumbling. "The dirty skunk! I'll wring his neck!"
She had given herself to Schroder! Not married him.... The part he had
played in her ruin forced itself with a nauseating insistency into
Basine's mind. His memories seized him. He struggled, but the things he
knew leaped out of hiding-places and assaulted him. She had loved him.
And he had loved her. Life had seemed marvelous with her close to him.
His career, his day, its simplest detail, had been colored with
delicious excitement. But he had been afraid to reach out and take what
he wanted. It would have meant success, happiness and something
else--the word beauty withheld itself--it would have meant these things.
But he had feared possession. He had let her go away after kissing her
and telling her that he loved her. So she had gone walking in the
street and fallen into the arms of the first man she met. It was plain.
Basine writhed under triumphant accusations. A torment filled him. He
must escape from the accusations He pried himself away from his thoughts
and took his place on the bench. Other people's troubles again.
Disputes, wrangles, testimonies--his ears listened mechanically. Lawyers
were pleading with him. Witnesses were stammering. He sat with a scowl
and hunched forward in his chair. His lean face thrust itself at the
courtroom.
Thoughts too intolerable for his attention whirled sickeningly in a
background. Pictures of Ruth in the man's arms, of her surrender, of the
intimacies of their illicit affair forced themselves upon him. He loved
her. "Oh, damn him," sang itself darkly through his heart.
There was one mocking intruder that raised a vociferous head. "You might
have had her. Not he. She might have been yours if you hadn't been
afraid." It was this that nauseated most. Not Schroder's villainy, but
his own cowardice. He had lost through cowardice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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