She couldn't ask him to let her go because he was only holding her
lightly and she could move away if she wanted to. She thought his eyes
were sad and she felt suddenly sorry for him. He had stopped talking and
his eyes were sad. They were looking at her and they made her feel sad,
too. Things were so different when one felt sad. Everything seemed to go
away then and nothing remained. Everything went away and left one a
little frightened. As if the world were unreal and everybody was unreal
and nothing really was.
She was frightened like that now. Or at least she thought it was fear.
Then she saw it was something else. Her heart had started to pound hard
and her throat fluttered inside. No one had ever looked at her like
this. So seriously. As if she were somebody very serious. It made her
feel strange. She grew dizzy and her arms felt weak. She whispered his
name and his hands crept over her cheeks. This thrilled her as if there
were electricity in his fingers. And frightened her again. But it was
nice. Like being a little girl, almost a baby, and falling into an older
man's arms--her father's arms. She could almost remember being a little
girl and lying in her father's arms.
"Do you love me?"
She would answer this time.
"Yes," she said. "Oh George."
She hid her face against his coat. Basine was careful not to embrace
her. Her "yes" had given him an inexplicable moment. He had felt himself
expand under it. In her unexpected submission--he had never dreamed of
such a thing ten minutes ago--she became suddenly someone who was very
rare and sweet. He was still utterly oblivious of her and had it turned
out to be Marion in his arms instead of Henrietta the difference would
have made no change in him. The thing that was rare and sweet was the
exhilaration in his senses--a purely spiritual exhilaration. He enjoyed
it as one might enjoy some unforeseen and startling gift.
He grew tender. He wanted to kiss the eyes and hair of her who had given
this gift to him--the thing which felt so warm in his heart and tingled
so pleasantly in his thought. He must reward her somehow for having
stirred in him this delicious excitement, reward her for the sweet
surfeit her surrender had given his vanity. For a moment bewildered by
this inner desire to express the gratitude he felt, he stood trembling.
"Oh, I love you so, my darling," he whispered. "You're so beautiful."
It was her reward for having surrendered to his unspoken demand. It was
an expression of the overwhelming generosity that choked him. He found
in the saying of the words a sweetness almost as keen as her surrender
had afforded him. To hear himself say to someone, "I love you," was
mysteriously exhilarating. The thrill that accompanied his bestowal of
largesse excited him to further experiment. He was not carried away but
he relished the emotions between them, the sense of having triumphed
and the provoking sense of bestowing grandiose reward.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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