As for Keegan, he stared with mild eyes at the dawn, at the beggarly
alleys and the negro porter dreamily sweeping cigar stubs out of a
lopsided doorway. He listened patiently to his friend's enthusiasms. To
Keegan there was something inexplicable about Basine's morning-after
pose. Keegan had not found a place for God. Platitudes were not a
background against which he might posture to his convenience. Instead
they were terrible intimates. They operated his thought for him.
After committing a sin one should be repentent. The commission of sin
was, of course, an outrage. But somehow the platitudes did not quite
reach into the bedroom of evil. They remained hovering outside the door
marking time, as it were, and whispering through the keyhole, "just wait
... just wait...."
And as soon as he had emerged from the room, in fact even before that,
they had taken possession of him again. They demanded now repentance,
thorough repentance which included thorough repudiation of all joyous
memories, all pleasurable moments. And Keegan, surrendering himself as a
matter of necessity to their demands presented the exterior of a
sorrowing victim to the dawn. He offered a nod or a surprised stare as
punctuation for his friend's discourse, chewing the while on an
unsuccessfully lighted cigar which tasted sour.
"There was something different about her from the usual girl of that
kind," Basine was explaining. "Wouldn't talk for a while but finally got
confidential and began to cry a bit."
This was a lie, reflecting credit, however, on the youth's dramatic
sense and vanity. The knowledge that the creature under discussion had
been actually no different from the six other ladies of her profession
with whom he had experienced moral collapses since leaving the
university in no way interfered with his opinion of the recent episode.
It was his opinion that things he touched were somehow different from
things other young men dallied with; that events which befell him were
of a certain mysterious fiber lacking in the events which befell others.
Thus he was reduced to the necessity of continual lying in order to
vindicate this conviction, more powerful than reality. Lying to himself
as much as to anyone else. By his lies Basine accomplished the dual
purpose of adjusting inferior incidents to the superiority of his nature
and of impressing this superiority upon his friends. A way of rewriting
life so as to fit himself with the heroic part, as yet denied him in the
manuscript and which he sincerely felt was his due.
"Yes, she cried a bit. They usually do, you know."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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