When they were alone Ramsey became a different man. He talked to her
usually about people he had met in her house. At such times he was
master of caricature. Their absurdities, pompousness, banalities,
hypocricies took grotesque outline in his words. His method was
unvarying. It was based upon a crude, vicious skepticism, inspired in
turn by a fanatic resentment of success in others. He seemed determined
always to prove to his own and her satisfaction that despite their
pretentions people were no more successful than he. His nature seemed
unable to tolerate the thought of superiors. At the same time people he
encountered, particularly in the Basine home, managed always to override
him, to reduce him to silence, to deflate him.
He would retire into himself, protesting viciously at the injustice of
this phenomenon. And while he sat in silence he would seek to wipe out
the consciousness of his own inferiority by attacking with contempt the
people around him. He would sit belittling and ridiculing the company to
himself until he had hypnotized himself with a conviction of their
general worthlessness and inferiority. Bolstered up by this treacherous
conviction, he would come suddenly to life with a grotesque sense of
magnitude in his mind. He was a giant among pigmies, a Socrates among
clowns! Who were these numbskulls and fourflushers that they thought
they were better than he was! He would show them! He would step forth
and by a single gesture, a scintillant phrase, reduce them to their
proper place.
And the company would find itself staring for an instant at a thin,
little man with a wild look in his eyes and a snarling quiver in his
voice, saying something not quite intelligible--usually an involved pun
or a tardy comment on some issue under discussion. The intensity of the
sullen-faced little man with the patrician nose embarrassed them for the
moment. Not as much as it did Mrs. Basine whose heart would almost break
at the spectacle, but enough to make them feel it were best to ignore
this curious Mr. Ramsey and not let on what a fool he somehow made of
himself.
Ramsey's indignation toward people, his sour skepticism of their values,
was his futile way of reassuring himself of his own worth. Futile,
because he had no conviction of this worth. When he sat denouncing in
silence the talkers around him, ridiculing and belittling them, it was
merely a less painful outlet for the contempt he had of himself.
He had been since his youth ridden by this inner feeling that he was a
fool, a weakling, not quite a man. It had started in his boyhood when
the nickname "Sissy" had been attached to him. His high-pitched voice,
his thin body and his unboyish modesty had earned him the name. As he
had grown older the fact that he did not care for girls as other youths
did, and that he sometimes played with them as if he were a girl
himself, had not escaped the keen, cruel eyes of his companions. The
name "Sis" Ramsey had stuck.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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