Then without warning he had grown violently excited. She had watched him
with a fear in her heart--a warning to her that he was going to say
something. She remembered him walking up and down the room saying, "The
trouble with you, like with most people, my dear lady, is that you don't
understand things. You look at things through a fog. You don't see
through the pretences of people. Your brain isn't active. It's merely
receptive. It doesn't question. And what's the result?"
His voice had become high-pitched.
"You live your lives among lies. That's what you do. Lies, lies--you
thrive on lies. Your friends are lies. Your thoughts, everything. Take
me.... Now take me ... my case.... I'll tell you something you don't
understand ... just by the way of proof.... I'll tell you something...."
His voice had broken off, overcome by excitement. He was walking up and
down in front of her, his eyes staring wildly. He was going to say
something, something about himself. And for a moment she had sat
cringing inside. Why had she been afraid? Perhaps because he had looked
so wildly around him, like someone trying to escape. But he had grown
silent and dropped exhausted into a chair.
She tried not to look at him because he was trembling and he had gone
away ten minutes later. He had kept away for two weeks and then returned
and their relations had resumed as if nothing had happened. Her mind
tingled with curiosity but a fear restrained her. She somehow had not
dared ask the question, "What were you going to tell me about yourself."
But she remembered that it had seemed for a moment as if he were going
to escape, that he had looked like a man on the verge of ridding himself
of an incubus.
Her guests were getting along famously. Everyone seemed pleased, happy.
They were chattering and laughing for hardly no reason at all. Mrs.
Basine had no liking for the people at her table. She despised Mrs.
Gilchrist, resented Aubrey. The judge gave her a faint feeling of
repulsion. Henrietta was a simpleton. Fanny irritated her with her
continual blushes and sensitive innocence. Doris was too silent and
always brooding. And even George--he somehow failed to convince her
although she desired to be convinced.
But all of them together were nice, like a pleasing combination of
colors. People belonged together. Alone they had faults. But when they
came together and forgot themselves they were nice. She felt proud of
having them at her table, because there were so many of them. They were
nice people when they were like this--just talking, not arguing or
saying things that convinced her somehow that they were wrong things.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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