The debates grew less casual. There were abrupt climaxes during which he
stared at her with anger. Then it was no longer a debate of ideas but of
wills. Here she knew herself powerless and yielded at once, making use
of her apology to caress his face or seize his hand.
Alone again she would study the things she had said as she studied from
day to day the social, political and spiritual history of her own and
other times. Her mind grew to master the phrases which outlined the
illusions of the crowd, which revealed the lusts and errors of the
crowd. Her thought inspired by the single desire to destroy for her
lover the beauty of her rival, rallied continually from its defeats
before his anger. Her cynicism became a mystic thing--her adoration of
her lover turning into a hatred of life, a contempt of people.
At night she sat in the window of her room overlooking the thinly
crowded street. The obsession held her now, occupying her energies
entirely. In its excitement, in the mental twistings, she found rest
from the desires that burned.
Alone ... she was alone. She would play langorously with this sense of
loneliness. She would repeat quietly, "He'll never come to me again.
Never hold me in his arms. How beautiful he is. His lips are not like
any man's lips could be. But he doesn't love me any more. He loves this
in the street below. Men and women in the street."
And here her thinking would begin, a sequel to the preface of sorrow.
Below her moved the face of her rival--the crowd. She must study the
thing out carefully so as to be clear in her words when she talked to
him. So as to make her words a poison in him that would destroy the
passion for her rival.
The night lifted itself far away. Little lights ran a line of yellow at
the foot of buildings. Men and women. What were men and women? The blur
of faces in the street, moving along every night, what was that?
Something to idealize and give one's soul to? No.
Individuals racing toward their secret destinations and tumbling with a
sigh into an inexhaustible supply of graves--that was a phenomenon to be
studied separately. Out of that one could locate plots, dramas, humor,
tragedy. But here below the window was another story--was a great
character that had no name but that her lover worshipped. The crowd ...
this thing in the street he sang of as the crowd was a single creature.
Its face was one, its voice one. It had one soul--the soul of man. A
dark thing, alive with inscrutable desires.
"They're not people," she whispered, her eyes staring down, "but
traditions walking the street. Accumulations of desires and impulses
taking the night air."
She watched it move in silence, buried beneath names and buildings.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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