O Quinctilius! wretched general, Knowest thou not that such our men are all? In a swamp he fell--how shocking! Lost two boots, a left-hand stocking. And, besides, was smothered. Then, with his temper growing wusser. Said to Centurion Titiusser, 'Pull your sword out--never mind, And bore me through with it behind, Since the game is busted.' Scaevola, of law a student, Fine young fellow--but imprudent As a youth of tender years, Served among the volunteers,-- He was also captured. E'en his hoped-for death was baffled, For ere they got him to the scaffold He was stabbed quite unaware, And nailed fast en derrière To his Corpus Juris. When this forest fight was over Hermann rubbed his hands in clover; And to do the thing up right, The Cheruscans did invite To a first-rate breakfast. But in Rome the wretched varmints Went to purchase morning garments; Just as they had tapped a puncheon, And Augustus sat at luncheon, Came the mournful story. And the tidings so provoked him, That a peacock leg half choked him, And he cried--beyond control-- 'Varus--Varus--d--n your soul! Redde legiones!' His German slave, Hans Schmidt be-christened, Who in the corner stood and listened, Remarked, 'Der teufel take me wenn He efer kits dose droops acain, For tead men ish not lifin.' Now, in honour of the story, A monument they'll raise for glory. As for pedestal--they've done it; But who'll pay for a statue on it Heaven alone can tell us. OLD ASSYRIAN--JONAH. Im schwarzen Wallfisch zu Ascalon Da trank ein Mann drei Tag', Bis dass er steif wie ein Besenstiel Am Marmortische lag. In the Black Whale at Ascalon A man drank day by day, Till, stiff as any broom-handle, Upon the floor he lay. In the Black Whale at Ascalon The landlord said: 'I say, He's drinking of my date-juice wine Much more than he can pay!' In the Black Whale at Ascalon The waiters brought the bill, In arrow-heads on six broad tiles To him who thus did swill. In the Black Whale at Ascalon The guest cried out: 'O woe! I spent in the Lamb at Nineveh My money long ago!' In the Black Whale at Ascalon The clock struck half-past four When the Nubian porter he did pitch The stranger from the door. In the Black Whale at Ascalon No prophet hath renown; And he who there would drink in peace Must pay the money down. BY THE BORDER. Ein Römer stand in finstrer Nacht Am deutschen Grenzwall Posten, Fern vom Castell war seine Wacht, Das Antlitz gegen Osten.