Some rage, in all the strength of folly mad, Some love stupidity, in silence clad, Are never quarrelsome, are never gay, But sleep and groan and drink the Night away; 30 Old Torpio nods, and, as the laugh goes round, Grunts through the nasal Duct, and joins the sound; Then sleeps again, and, as the liquors pass, Wakes at the friendly Jog, and takes his Glass; Alike to him who stands, or reels, or moves; The elbow chair, good wine and Sleep he loves; Nor cares of state disturb his easy head, By grosser fumes and calmer follies fed; Nor thoughts, of when, or where, or how to come, The Canvass general, or the general Doom; 40 Extremes ne'er reach'd one passion of his Soul; A villain tame, and an unmettled fool, To half his Vices he has but pretence, For they usurp the place of common sense; To half his little Merits has no claim But very Indolence has rais'd his name, Happy in this, that under Satan's sway His passions humble, but will not obey. The Vicar at the table's front presides, Whose presence a monastic life derides; 50 The reverend Wig, in sideway order plac'd, The reverend Band, by rubric stains disgrac'd, The leering Eye, in wayward circles roll'd, Mark him the Pastor of a jovial Fold, Whose various texts excite a loud applause, Favouring the Bottle, and the good old Cause. See! the dull smile which fearfully appears, When gross Indecency her front uprears; The joy conceal'd the fiercer burns within, As masks afford the keenest gust to Sin; 60 Imagination helps the reverend Sire, And spreads the sails of sub-divine desire. But when the gay immoral joke goes round, When Shame and all her blushing train are drown'd, Rather than hear his God blasphem'd he takes The last lov'd Glass, and then the board forsakes: Not that Religion prompts the sober thought, But slavish Custom has the practice taught. Besides, this zealous son of warm devotion Has a true levite Bias for promotion; 70 Vicars must with discretion go astray, Whilst Bishops may be d----n'd the nearest way; So puny robbers individuals kill, When hector-Heroes murder as they will.