Reflect seriously upon the character of such a correspondent. The man whose letters are not pre-paid may be thus denounced:-- He is selfish, because he would rather you should pay twice, than that he should pay once. He would rather inflict an injury on his friend, than act fairly himself. He is disloyal, because he ought to grace his letter with the head of his Queen, and he declines doing so. He prefers seeing his brother's _two_ pockets picked, to having a hand thrust into one of his own. He is an old fool, who wants to be thought young, and affects carelessness, because it is a youthful fault. Rather than take a bottle of wine out of his own cellar, he would drink a couple at his neighbour's expense. Sooner than experience a stamp on his toe, he would see his old father's gouty feet trampled on. He is ready to discharge a double-barrelled gun at anybody, to escape a single shot at himself. He would ride his friend's horse fifty miles, to save his own from a journey of five-and-twenty. To avoid an easy leap from the first-floor window, he would doom his nearest connexion to jump from the roof. Rather than submit to the privation of half a meal, he would subject any human being to the misery of being dinnerless. He is penny wise and twopence foolish. His penny saved is not a penny got, since the damage he occasions will recoil upon himself. He is more mindful of the flourishing finances of the postmaster-general, than of the scanty funds of individuals who are dear to him. He has no care for the revenue, for he shrinks from prompt payment. He is dishonest, for rather than pay in advance he won't pay at all. * * * * * Above all, never listen to anything that may be urged in his defence. Never attach the slightest importance to such arguments as these:-- He is the best of patriots, because he raises a sinking revenue. He is the best of friends, for he impels all whom he addresses to do good to the state at a slight cost to themselves. He is the most loyal of men, for he cannot bear to part with his Queen's likeness, even upon a penny-piece. He is a gentleman, and never has vulgar halfpence within reach. He is kind to street-beggars, and gives away the penny in charity before he can get to the post-office. He is well read in ancient literature, and knows that those who pay beforehand are the worst of paymasters. He is delicate-minded, and feels that a pre-paid letter implies a supposition that the receiver would care about the postage. His house is open to his acquaintances, who write so many notes there that he never has a stamp to use. He scorns to subject the portrait of his lady-sovereign to the indignity of being tattooed like a New-Zealander. He is a logician, and maintains that if a penny-postage be a good thing, a twopenny-postage must be exactly twice as good.