He would catch hold of any rag of an acquaintance just then, to cover his loneliness, and to save him from utter solitude; to give him an excuse for procrastinating, and an opportunity of grumbling out his regrets at stripping from head to foot, not to go to bed, but to go _out_; at being doomed to shake off his quiet moping mood, and plunge head-foremost into festivity. And then, when the effort had been made, when the last obstacle had been overcome, when he was arrayed from top to toe, and could no longer complain of this thing not in readiness, and that thing mislaid, or the glove that split in drawing it on, or the cab that was not (_and never was_) on the stand when he wanted one, he would ask himself with a deep-drawn sigh the melancholy question: "Isn't it hard that a man _must_ go out, with a broken heart, to take an hour or two's jollification at this time of night!" Off went Jack Gay; and until four in the morning the merry Hours lagged far behind his joyous spirits. Hospitality put on his magic boots to run a race with him, and the bewitching eyes of Pleasure herself looked grave and sleepy compared with the glistening orbs of her votary! THE KING OF BRENTFORD'S TESTAMENT. BY MICHAEL ANGELO TITMARSH. The noble King of Brentford Was old and very sick; He summoned his physicians To wait upon him quick; They stepped into their coaches, And brought their best physick. They crammed their gracious master With potion and with pill; They drenched him and they bled him: They could not cure his ill. "Go fetch," says he, "my lawyer, I'd better make my will." The monarch's royal mandate The lawyer did obey; The thought of six-and-eightpence Did make his heart full gay. "What is't," says he, "your majesty Would wish of me to-day?" "The doctors have belaboured me With potion and with pill; My hours of life are counted, O man of tape and quill! Sit down and mend a pen or two, I want to make my will. "O'er all the land of Brentford I'm lord, and eke of Kew; I've three per cents., and five per cents.; My debts are but a few; And to inherit after me I have but children two. "Prince Thomas is my eldest son, A sober prince is he, And from the day we breeched him Till now he's twenty-three, He never caused disquiet To his poor mama or me. "At school they never flogged him, At college, though not fast, Yet his little go and great go He creditably passed, And made his year's allowance For eighteen months to last. "He never owed a shilling, Went never drunk to bed; He has not two ideas Within his honest head;-- In all respects he differs From my second son, Prince Ned.