Passion, a passive sentiment!
This word has a contradictory meaning for me. I am a lover as Napoleon
was an emperor: nobody forced the crown upon him, he took it and crowned
himself with his own hand. If my crown happens to be a thorny one, whom
can I accuse? Did not my brow crave it?
“I have loved this woman of my own choosing, above all others; the
choice made, I have worked at my love as I would at a cherished poem; it
has been the subject of all my meditations, the fairy of all my dreams,
for more than a year. I have not had a thought in which I have not paid
her homage. I have devoted my talents to her; it seemed to me that by
loving and perpetually contemplating her image, I might at last become
worthy of painting it. I was conscious of a grand future, if only she
had understood me; I often thought of Raphael and his own Fornarina.
There is a throne vacant in poetry; I had dreamed of this throne in
order to lay it at Clemence’s feet. Oh! although this may never be more
than a dream, this dream has given me hours of incomparable happiness! I
should be ungrateful to deny it.
“And yet this love is only a fictitious sentiment; I realize it today.
It is not with her that I am in love, it is with a woman created by my
imagination, and whom I see clearly within this unfeeling marble shape.
When we have meditated for a long time, our thoughts end by taking
life and walking by our side. I can now understand the allegory of Adam
taking Eve from his own substance; but flesh forms a palpitating flesh
akin to itself; the mind creates only a shadow, and a shadow can not
animate a dead body. Two dead bodies can not make a living one; a body
without a soul is only a cadaver--and she has no soul.”
Gerfaut sat motionless for some time with his face buried in his hands;
suddenly he raised his head and burst into harsh laughter.
“Enough of this soaring in the clouds!” he exclaimed; “let us come down
to earth again. It is permissible to think in verse, but one must act
in prose, and that is what I shall do tomorrow. This woman’s caprices,
which she takes for efforts of virtue, have made of me a cruel and
inexorable man; I have begged in vain for peace; if she wishes war, very
well, so be it, she shall have war.”
CHAPTER XVI. GERFAUT WINS A POINT
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