I know very well that we are not all equal, nor can be so; but it is my
opinion that he who avoids the common people, in order not to lose
their respect, is as much to blame as a coward who hides himself from
his enemy because he fears defeat.
The other day I went to the fountain, and found a young servant-girl,
who had set her pitcher on the lowest step, and looked round to see if
one of her companions was approaching to place it on her head. I ran
down, and looked at her. "Shall I help you, pretty lass?" said I. She
blushed deeply. "Oh, sir!" she exclaimed. "No ceremony!" I replied. She
adjusted her head-gear, and I helped her. She thanked me, and ascended
the steps.
May 17.
I have made all sorts of acquaintances, but have as yet found no
society. I know not what attraction I possess for the people, so many
of them like me, and attach themselves to me; and then I feel sorry
when the road we pursue together goes only a short distance. If you
inquire what the people are like here, I must answer, "The same as
everywhere." The human race is but a monotonous affair. Most of them
labour the greater part of their time for mere subsistence; and the
scanty portion of freedom which remains to them so troubles them that
they use every exertion to get rid of it. Oh, the destiny of man!
But they are a right good sort of people. If I occasionally forget
myself, and take part in the innocent pleasures which are not yet
forbidden to the peasantry, and enjoy myself, for instance, with
genuine freedom and sincerity, round a well-covered table, or arrange
an excursion or a dance opportunely, and so forth, all this produces a
good effect upon my disposition; only I must forget that there lie
dormant within me so many other qualities which moulder uselessly, and
which I am obliged to keep carefully concealed. Ah! this thought
affects my spirits fearfully. And yet to be misunderstood is the fate
of the like of us.
Alas, that the friend of my youth is gone! Alas, that I ever knew her!
I might say to myself, "You are a dreamer to seek what is not to be
found here below." But she has been mine. I have possessed that heart,
that noble soul, in whose presence I seemed to be more than I really
was, because I was all that I could be. Good heavens! did then a single
power of my soul remain unexercised? In her presence could I not
display, to its full extent, that mysterious feeling with which my
heart embraces Nature? Was not our intercourse a perpetual web of the
finest emotions, of the keenest wit, the varieties of which, even in
their very eccentricity, bore the stamp of genius? Alas! the few years
by which she was my senior brought her to the grave before me. Never
can I forget her firm mind or her heavenly patience.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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