I bite my lips, and feel infinite scorn for those who tell me to be
resigned, because there is no help for it. Let me escape from the yoke
of such silly subterfuges! I ramble through the woods; and when I
return to Charlotte, and find Albert sitting by her side in the
summer-house in the garden, I am unable to bear it, behave like a fool,
and commit a thousand extravagances. "For Heaven's sake," said
Charlotte to-day, "let us have no more scenes like those of last night!
You terrify me when you are so violent." Between ourselves, I am always
away now when he visits her; and I feel delighted when I find her
alone.
Aug. 8.
Believe me, dear Wilhelm, I did not allude to you when I spoke so
severely of those who advise resignation to inevitable fate. I did not
think it possible for you to indulge such a sentiment. But in fact you
are right. I only suggest one objection. In this world one is seldom
reduced to make a selection between two alternatives. There are as many
varieties of conduct and opinion as there are turns of feature between
an aquiline nose and a flat one.
You will, therefore, permit me to concede your entire argument, and yet
contrive means to escape your dilemma.
Your position is this, I hear you say: "Either you have hopes of
obtaining Charlotte, or you have none. Well, in the first case, pursue
your course, and press on to the fulfilment of your wishes. In the
second, be a man, and shake off a miserable passion, which will
enervate and destroy you." My dear friend, this is well and easily
said.
But would you require a wretched being, whose life is slowly wasting
under a lingering disease, to despatch himself at once by the stroke of
a dagger? Does not the very disorder which consumes his strength
deprive him of the courage to effect his deliverance?
You may answer me, if you please, with a similar analogy: "Who would
not prefer the amputation of an arm to the perilling of life by doubt
and procrastination?" But I know not if I am right, and let us leave
these comparisons.
Enough! There are moments, Wilhelm, when I could rise up and shake it
all off, and when, if I only knew where to go, I could fly from this
place.
The Same Evening.
My diary, which I have for some time neglected, came before me to-day;
and I am amazed to see how deliberately I have entangled myself step by
step. To have seen my position so clearly, and yet to have acted so
like a child! Even still I behold the result plainly, and yet have no
thought of acting with greater prudence.
Aug. 10.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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