“I have them all in my head,” was the answer, “but I can’t think of the names just now.” Too Much Mustard Doctor (to an emaciated patient):—“Now you want one mustard plaster on your chest and one on your back.” Patient:—“Isn’t that rather too much mustard for so little meat, doctor?” CHAPTER V _For Lawyers_ Fame and Wealth The lawyer becomes famous through his cleverness, popular through his astuteness, but fat and wealthy through the foolishness of his fellow-men. Rewarded Industry “It is terrible how slow Secretary Meier works!” exclaimed the President; “there he is behind again with a big stack of papers! What shall we do with them?” “Oh, there is Muller, a prompt, industrious clerk, he is never behind! Let’s give them to him,” said the Director. Secret and Public “What is the difference between a secret and a public session of the town council?” “When there is a secret session, one knows the result an hour later; the result of a public session, one reads in next day’s paper.” Evidence of Dishonesty Detective:—“Your suspicion of your cashier has not been confirmed; you may be sure of his honesty. He makes no show whatever, lives, to be sure, decently...!” Director (interrupting him):—“Yes, but ... that’s just it; with the salary I give him, it’s impossible to live decently!” Of Course Judge (to accused’s wife):—“Were you with your husband when he broke into the young ladies’ boarding-school?” Wife:—“Of course; would _your_ wife permit you to break into a young ladies’ school by yourself?” An Honest Lawyer “But, Doctor, I must win that lawsuit; the contract is as clear as daylight!” “So it is—but let me tell you, when it comes to a lawsuit, clearness is a thing of the past.” Out of Business “What, are you back from Africa already?” “Yes, I had settled there as sheriff, but there was nothing to levy upon but now and then a nose-ring ... and then I generally had a suit brought against me for levying on an indispensable article of dress.” Short Work “What,” said the disgusted lawyer to a countryman, “didn’t I have you thrown out just now because you were too fresh, and here you are back again!” “Doctor,” returns he, “please be good, and undertake my defense; I see you are the only lawyer who makes short work!” Question and Answer Lady (at a lawyer’s who is a friend):—“A question does not cost anything?” Lawyer:—“No, but the answer does.” At Examination Professor:—“Candidate, what belongs to a last will and testament?” Candidate:—“A death and a fortune.” Suggestive Question Professor:—“Candidate, what in law do we call one who assists another in committing a crime—who for instance, makes him a key, with which to open the door?” Candidate:—“That is a locksmith.” Final Farewell Professor:—“Candidate, what does the term _dos_ mean?” Candidate:—“_Dos_—_dos_—I am sorry I can’t think of it this minute.”