Colonel:—“I am sorry to have to tell you, but the Sergeant has lodged a complaint against you. You called him an ass.” Captain of the Horse:—“Pardon me, Colonel; I am sometimes a little rough. I am really sorry to have used the expression, but I should never have thought that the man was such an ass as to be offended.” A Queer Way of Reckoning Corporal:—“Captain, I have to report that three men are missing.” Captain:—“Why, how is that?” Corporal:—“There are three sausages too many.” The Standing Army “Will you not sit down by me, Lieutenant?” “Thank you very much, madam, but I belong to the standing army.” The Odd Pair of Boots “Why John, what a stupid action this is,” said a Captain of the Horse, to his servant. “You have brought me a pair of boots that do not match. One has a high top and the other a low one.” “I have been wondering about that myself, and I don’t understand it,” said the man, “but the most curious part of it is, that on the shoe-box stands another pair just like this one.” The Jew’s Reasoning An officer fell from his horse in a public square. A Jew standing near said: “This would never have happened to me, sir!” “What, Jew, are you a better rider than I?” “Not that,” replied the Jew, “but I should never have mounted the horse.” Dense Stupidity Sergeant (to a recruit):—“You idiot, you are so stupid that Schwarz could not have invented the gunpowder, if you had been within forty miles of him.” Proved An intoxicated soldier, who was quarreling with his Corporal finally said: “You just keep quiet; you are no man.” “I’ll show you,” retorted the Corporal, drawing his sabre. “You can’t do it,” returned the other; “does not the Captain always say, when he orders out the guard: ‘for this post, six men and a corporal’? Do you see now that a Corporal isn’t called a man?” No Swearing on Sunday Captain:—“To-day is Sunday, so I won’t swear; but to-morrow, you may all go to thunder!” Guarding the Sentry-box A recruit stood sentry for the first time. At first he walked quietly up and down before the sentry-box. After a while he grew tired, stood still before it, looked it all over and shaking his head exclaimed: “I wonder what they see in this old box that I must stand here and guard it!” On the Parade-ground A squadron of cavalry was drilling for a review, which was to be held shortly. The Prince, riding past, looked on. An attack was executed which closed with a jump across a ditch. One rider fell with his horse and rolled into the ditch. The Prince rode up, asked the man if he was hurt, gave him a ten mark piece, and rode slowly away. “Sergeant,” called the Captain, “give that fellow three days in the guard-house!” Hearing this, the Prince rode up to the Captain and said: “Could not you let the poor devil off for once?” “Your Highness,” returned the Captain frankly, “if you give to every soldier who falls, a ten mark piece, my whole squadron will be in the ditch to-morrow.”