An Important Question Officer’s servant:—“Excuse me, sir; have you an advertisement in the paper, that on account of sickness a horse will be sold?” Gentleman:—“I have.” Servant:—“Then my Captain wishes to know whether the gentleman is sick or the horse?” The Listening Angels Captain (noticing that after his command “stand still” two soldiers are whispering):—“When I, your Captain, command, ‘stand still,’ the angels in heaven listen; but you, you lobsters, can’t keep your tongues still.” Only Two Straws Captain of the horse (discovering two straws on the race-track):—“Lieutenant A., who ordered a hurdle-race for to-day?” Marrying for Love 1st Lieutenant:—“Comrade, I am a happy mortal. Engaged to be married. Loveliest girl,—an angel I tell you. Marry for love—upon honor!” 2d Lieutenant:—“Has she money?” 1st Lieutenant:—“What a stupid question!” His Own Handkerchief Lieutenant (to his orderly):—“You idiot, what are you thinking of, to clean my drinking cup with a handkerchief?” Servant:—“Beg your pardon, sir, but it is my own.” The Cold Ice “Pray, tell me, Captain, why you are staring so hard at my plate?” “I am admiring that ice, Fräulein, that can keep so cold in view of your charms.” A Charitable Institution “Have not seen you for a long time, Count. Been on leave?” “Oh, yes,—been two weeks in Potsdam. Aunt died suddenly.” “Well, well,—congratulations. Inherit anything?” “Not I; the old aunt left everything to charitable institutions. Stupid idea! As if a German Officer of the Guard was not a charitable institution, too!” An Unexpected Answer Sergeant (instructing):—“Who commands a battalion?” (Soldier is silent. Behind him some one whispering.) Sergeant:—“What blockhead is whispering to you?” Soldier:—“The Major.” Saved His Honor “Where is the sausage that you were to bring every evening?” “Excuse me, Lieutenant; I ate it myself.” “What! how dare you?” “Well, you see, sir, coming back with it, I met a comrade, and he asked me to whom the sausage belonged, and I said, of course, ‘To my master.’ “‘What,’ said he, sneeringly, ‘does your master eat only a sausage for supper? What a shame!’ So I told him you bought it for me, and ate it up right before him and so took the shame upon myself.” It Depends Lieutenant (to recruit):—“How should a soldier act before the enemy?” Recruit:—“That depends entirely upon how the enemy acts!” More True Than Kind Major’s Wife (stout and elderly):—“Lieutenant von Schwenker is a charming man. At every ball he comes to me and begs for the first dance.” Colonel:—“He is all right; he is a brave fellow, that Lieutenant; he always does the disagreeable duties first.” An Appropriate Gift A general who had the misfortune to lose several battles, received as a New Year’s present a box containing a drum on which was written: “Not good for anything but to be beaten.” Thankful For Anything