Lieutenant:—“You idiot; you have brought me a single ticket instead of a return ticket!” Servant:—“But sir, there was such a crowd at the ticket-office, that I was glad to get this one.” The Lost Colonel Youthful Prince (as guest at a drill, sees the Colonel lead his regiment in a poorly executed attack):—“General, that regiment I suppose is lost?” General:—“The regiment is not, your Highness, but the Colonel is!” Too Cautious “George, you must always knock at the door before you enter a room, and then wait until some one calls ‘come in,’” said the Major’s wife to a new servant. While the Major and his wife are at dinner, George puts his head through a crack in the door, but draws it back quickly, closes the door, and knocks. His astonished mistress calls: “Come in!... George, did you not understand? I told you to knock first, and then wait until some one calls ‘come in.’ Instead of doing that, you looked first into the room. What did you mean by that?” “I understood you all right, but I had to look in first to see if any one was in the room to call ‘come in.’” A Pertinent Question Corporal:—“Recruit Neier, how many more times must I tell you to hold your head up! What makes you look at the grass all the time; haven’t you had your breakfast yet?” Subordination Major (narrating):—“But when, on the thirteenth of October, the battle of Leipzig was fought——” Lieutenant:—“Excuse me, Major; that was on the eighteenth.” Major:—“Young man, do you think you know it better than I? I tell you it was on the thirteenth.” Lieutenant:—“I do know it was not, for only lately I read the history of the battle by a famous historian.” Major:—“Don’t talk to me about any of your scribblers. I—your Major—tell you it was on the thirteenth.” Lieutenant:—“Pardon me, Major, if I doubt it in spite of that.” Major (boiling with rage):—“Very well, Lieutenant, then I tell you _officially_, that it was on the thirteenth.” Lieutenant:—“Very well, Major, then it _was_ on the thirteenth.” Modest The Lieutenant wishes to give to a reporting soldier a cigar, and opens a fresh box. Soldier:—“Oh don’t trouble about opening the box, sir; I can do that at home.” Poison in It Captain:—“John, go up-stairs and ask my wife to give you my field-flask; but don’t you drink out of it. I believe there is poison in it.” John (in the Captain’s rooms):—“Will the gracious Frau kindly give me the Captain’s field-flask?” Captain’s Wife:—“Which is the one he wants? There are several hanging here.” John:—“The one which the Captain believes has poison in it.” Nothing Else to Do Sergeant:—“A sentry may not leave his post under any circumstances. Recruit Huber, what would you do if you stood guard at the powder magazine, and there should be an explosion and the whole thing flew into the air?” Huber:—“Fly with it.” His Size “Marie, why did you make the potato dumplings so dreadfully large?”