Ginx's Baby: His Birth and Other Misfortunes; a SatireJenkins, Edward
General
Ginx's Baby: His Birth and Other Misfortunes; a Satire
Jenkins, Edward
Christian sects -- Fiction; Education -- Fiction; Orphans -- Fiction; Satire, English
Ginx's baby had been discovered by a policeman swaddled in a penny
paper, distressingly familiar to metropolitan travellers by rail.
To omit the details of his treatment at the hands of that great
institution, “The Force,” would be invidious. The member thereof who
fell in with him was walking a back street, sighting doors with his
bull's-eye. He was provided with massive boots, so that a thief
could hear him coming a hundred yards off; he was personally tall and
unwieldy, and a dexterous commissioner had invented a dress designed to
enhance these qualities--a heavy coat, a cart-horse belt, and a round
cape. He had been carefully drilled not to walk more than three miles an
hour. He was not a little startled when the rays of his lamp fell upon
a struggling newspaper, out of which, as from a shell, came mysterious
cries. He took up a corner of the paper and peeped in upon the face
of Ginx's Baby; then he occupied a quarter of an hour in embarrassing
reflections. A nearly naked child crying in the cold ought to be housed
as soon as possible, but X 99 was ON HIS BEAT, and those magic words
chained him to certain limits. This, of course, was the rule under a
former commissioner, and every one knows that such absurd strategy
has been abolished in the existing regime. At that time, however, each
watchman had his beat, to leave which was neglect of duty, except with
a prisoner, and then it was neglect of all the householders within the
magic compass. Had X 99 heard the baby crying across the street, which
was part of the beat of X 101, he would have passed on with a cheery
heart, for the case would have been beyond his jurisdiction. Unhappily
the baby was on his beat, and he was delivered from the temptation of
transferring it to the other by the appearance of X 101's bull's-eye not
far off. What was he to do? The station was a mile away--the inspector
would not arrive for an hour--and it would be awkward, if not
undignified, to carry on his rounds a shouting baby wrapped in the
largest daily paper. If he left it where it was, and it perished, he
might be charged with murder. He was at his wits' end--but having got
there, he resolved on the simplest process, namely to carry it to
the station. No provision was made by the regulations of the force to
protect a beat casually deserted even for a proper purpose. Hence, while
X 99 was absent on his errand of mercy, the valuable shop of Messrs.
Trinkett and Blouse, ecclesiastical tailors, was broken into, and
several stoles, chasubles, altar-cloths and other decorative tapestries
were appropriated to profane uses.
At the station the baby was disposed of according to rule. Due entry
was first made in the night-book by the superintendent of all the
particulars of his discovery. Some cold milk was then procured and
poured down the child's throat. Afterwards, wrapped in a constable's
cape, he was placed in a cell where, when the door was locked, he could
not disturb the guardians of the peace.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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