The Alphabet rejoiced to hear, That Monckton Milnes was made a peer; For in the present world of letters, But few, if any, were his betters. So an address, by acclamation, They voted, of congratulation. And O U G H T and N Were chosen to take up the pen, Possessing each an interest vital In the new Peer’s baronial title. ’Twas done in language terse and telling, Perfect in grammar and in spelling. But when ’twas read aloud—oh, mercy! There sprung up such a controversy About the true pronunciation Of said baronial appellation. The vowels O and U averred They were entitled to be heard. The consonants denied the claim, Insisting that they mute became. Johnson and Walker were applied to, Sheridan, Bailey, Webster, tried too; But all in vain—for each picked out A word that left the case in doubt. O, looking round upon them all, Cried, “If it be correct to call T H R O U G H _throo_, H O U G H must be _Hoo_; Therefore there must be no dispute on The question, we should say Lord _Hooton_.” U then did speak, and sought to show He should be doubled, and not O, For sure if _ought_ and _awt_, then nought on Earth could the title be but _Hawton_. H, on the other hand, said he, In _cough_ and _trough_, stood next to G, And like an F was then looked oft on, Which made him think it should be _Hofton_. But G corrected H, and drew Attention other cases to: _Lough_, _Rough_ and _Chough_, more than enough To prove O U G H spelled _uff_, And growled out in a sort of gruff tone They must pronounce the title _Hufton_. N said emphatically No; For D O U G H is _Doh_, And though (look there again) that stuff At sea for fun, they nickname _Duff_, He should propose they took a vote on The question should it not be _Hoton_? Besides, in French ’twould have such force, A Lord must be _haut ton_, of course. High and more high contention rose, From words they almost came to blows, Till S, as yet, who had not spoke, And dearly loved a little joke, Put in _his_ word, and said, “Look here, _Plough_ in this row must have a _share_.” At this atrocious pun, each page Of Johnson whiter grew with rage. Bailey looked desperately cut up, And Sheridan completely shut up. Webster, who is no idle talker, Made a sign signifying _Walker_. While Walker, who had been used badly, Shook his old dirty dog-ears sadly.