Out of temper at last with the insolent dame, And feeling the woman was greatly to blame, To scold me instead of caressing, I mimicked her speech, like a churl as I am, And angrily said, “You’re a dam—dam—dam— A dam-age instead of a blessing.” A SONG WITH VARIATIONS. [§Scene.§—Wife at the piano; brute of a husband, who has no more soul for music than his boot, in an adjoining apartment, making his toilet.] Oh! do not chide me if I weep!— Come, wife, and sew this button on. Such pain as mine can never sleep!— Zounds! as I live, another’s gone! For unrequited love brings grief,— A needle, wife, and bring your scissors. And Pity’s voice gives no relief— The child! good Lord! he’s at my razors! No balm to case the troubled heart,— Who starched this bosom? I declare That writhes from hate’s envenomed dart!— It’s enough to make a parson swear! When faith in man is given up— How plaguey shiftless are some women! Then sorrow fills her bitter cup— I’ll have to get my other linen. And to its lees the white lips quaff— Smith says he’s coming in to-night, While Malice yields her mocking laugh!— With Mrs. S., and Jones and Wright. Oh! could I stifle in my breast— And Jones will bring some prime old sherry. This aching heart, and give it rest,— We’ll want some eggs for Tom-and-Jerry Could Lethe’s waters o’er me roll,— These stockings would look better mended! And bring oblivion to my soul,— When-will-you-have-that-ditty-ended? Then haply I, in other skies,— We’d better have the oysters fried. Might find the love that earth denies! There! now at last my dickey’s tied! THOUGHTS WHILE SHE ROCKS THE CRADLE. What is the little one thinking about? Very wonderful thing, no doubt, Unwritten history! Unfathomable mystery! But he laughs and cries, and eats and drinks, And chuckles and crows, and nods and winks, As if his head were as full of kinks, And curious riddles, as any sphinx! Warped by colic and wet by tears, Punctured by pins, and tortured by fears, Our little nephew will lose two years; And he’ll never know Where the summers go: He need not laugh, for he’ll find it so!