Just before midnight baby fretted, woke; He never yet has slept a whole night through Without his food and petting. As I sat Feeding and petting him and singing soft, I felt a jealousy begin to ache And worry at my heartstrings, hushing down The gladness. Jealousy of what or whom? I hardly knew, or could not put in words; At least it seemed too foolish and too wrong When said, and so I shut the thought away. Only, next minute, it came stealing back. After the change, would my boy be the same As this one? Would he be my boy at all, And not another's--his who gave the life I could not give, or did not anyhow? How could I look in his new eyes to claim The whole of him, the body and the breath, When some one not his mother, a strange man, Had clothed him in that beauty of the flesh-- Perhaps (for who could know?), perhaps, by some Hateful disfiguring miracle, had even Transformed his spirit to a better one, Better, but not the same I prayed for him Down out of Heaven through the sleepless nights,-- The best that God would send to such as me. I tried to strangle back the wicked pain; Fancied him changed and tried to love him so. No use; it was another, not my child, Not my frail, broken, priceless little one, My cup of anguish, and my trembling star Hung small and sad and sweet above the earth, So sure to fall but for my cherishing! When he had dropped asleep again, I rose And wrestled with the sinful selfishness, The dark injustice, the unnatural pain. Fevered at last with pacing to and fro, I raised the bedroom window and leaned out. The white moon, low behind the sycamores, Silvered the silent country; not a voice Of all the myriads summer moves to sing Had yet awakened; in the level moon Walked that same presence I had heard at dawn Uttering hopes and loving-kindnesses, But now, dispirited and reticent, It walked the moonlight like a homeless thing. O, how to cleanse me of the cowardice! How to be just! Was I a mother, then, A mother, and not love her child as well As her own covetous and morbid love? Was it for this the Comforter had come, Smiling at me and pointing with His hand? --What had He meant to have me think or do, Smiling and pointing?