Humorous stories; Love stories; Running races -- Fiction; Western stories
"Well, you must have heard Missus Heleney Moray in _The Baggage
Coach Ahead_?" queried the scholarly little man. At mention of
his beloved classic, Carara, the Mexican, murmured, softly:
"Ah! _The Baggage Car_--Te'adora Mora! God bless 'er!"
"I must confess I've never had the pleasure," said Speed,
whereupon the speaker regarded him pityingly, and Stover, jealous
that so much of the conversation had escaped him, inquired:
"Can it be that you never heard that monologue, _Silas on Fifth
Avenoo_?"
Again Speed shook his head.
As if the very memory were hilariously funny, Still Bill's
shoulders heaved, and stifled laughter caused his Adam's apple to
race up and down his leathern throat. Swallowing his merriment at
length, he recited, in a choking voice, as follows: "Silas goes
up Fifth Avenoo and climbs into a bus. There is a girl settin'
opposite. He says, 'The girl opened her valise, took out her
purse, closed her valise, opened her purse, took out a dime,
closed her purse, opened her valise, put in her purse, closed her
valise, handed the dime to the conductor, got a nickle in change,
opened her valise, took out her purse, closed her valise, opened
her purse--'"
At this point the speaker fell into ungovernable hysteria and
exploded, rocking back and forth, slapping his thighs and
hiccoughing with enjoyment. Willie followed him, as did Carara.
Even Cloudy showed his teeth, and the two young people on the
porch found themselves joining in from infection. It was patent
that here lay some subtle humor sufficient to convulse the Far
Western nature beyond all reason; for Stover essayed repeatedly
to check his laughter before gasping, finally: "Gosh 'lmighty! I
never can get past that place. He! He! He! Whoo-hoo! That's sure
ridic'lous, for fair." He wiped his eyes with the back of a
sun-browned hand, and his frame was racked with barking coughs. "I
know the whole blame thing by heart, but--I can't recite it to
you. I bog down right there. Seems like some folks is the
darndest fools!"
Speed allowed this good-humor to banish his trepidation, and
assured the foreman that _Silas on Fifth Avenue_ must indeed
be a very fine monologue.
"It's my favorite," said Still Bill, "but we all have our picks.
Cloudy here likes _Navajo_, which I agree is attuned to
please the savage year, but to my mind it ain't in the runnin'
with _Silas._"
"You see what the phonograph means to these gentlemen," said Miss
Blake. "I think it's a crying shame that they were cheated out of
it, don't you?"
Speed began to outline a plan hastily in his mind.
"I assured them that you would win it back for them, and--"
"We sure hope you will," said Willie, earnestly.
"Amen!" breathed the lanky foreman, his cheeks still wet from his
tears of laughter, but his face drawn into lines of eagerness.
"Please! For my sake!" urged Helen, placing a gentle little hand
upon her companion's arm.
Speed closed his eyes, so to speak, and leaped in the dark.
"All right, I'll do it!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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