Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Nature -- Fiction; Triangles (Interpersonal relations) -- Fiction; Wales -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
At the parsonage everything was ready early. Edward, restless after his
rough awakening, had risen at three and finished his own preparations,
being ready to help Mrs. Marston when she came down, still a good deal
upset. Whenever she passed Hazel's room, or saw Edward take flowers
there, she said, 'Oh, my dear!' and shook her head sadly. For the kind
of life that seemed to be mapped out by Edward would, she feared, not
include grandchildren. And grandchildren had acquired, through long
cogitations, the glamour of the customary. She was also ruffled by
Martha, who, unlike her own pastry, was 'short.' What with the two
women, angry and grieved, and the fact that his wedding-day held only
half the splendour that it should have held, Edward's spirits might
have been expected to be low; but they were not. He ran up and down,
joked with Martha, soothed his mother, and sang until Martha, who
thought that a minister's deportment at a wedding should be only a
little less grandiloquent than at a funeral, said:
'He'm less like a minister than a nest of birds.' She and Mrs. Marston
were setting out the feather-cups in the best parlour.
At that moment Edward stood at the door of Hazel's room, and realized
that he would enter it no more. He must not see the sweet disarray of
her unpacking, nor rest night by night in the charmed circle of her
presence. Almost he felt, in this agony of loss--loss of things never
possessed, the most bitter loss of all--that, if he could have had
these things, even the ruddy-haired, golden-eyed children of his dreams
might go. He knelt by Hazel's bed and laid his dark head on the pillow,
torn by physical and spiritual passion. His hair was clammy, and a new
line marked his forehead from that day. Anyone seeing him would have
thought that he was praying; he was so still. It was Edward's fate to
be thought 'so quiet,' because the fires within him made no sound,
burning at a still-white heat.
He was not praying. Prayer had receded to a far distance, like a
signpost long passed. Perhaps he would come round to it again; but now
he was in the trackless desert. It is only those that have suffered
moderately that speak of prayer as the sufferer's refuge. By that you
know them. Those that have been tortured remember that the worst part
of the torture was the breaking of the prayer in their hands, piercing,
and not upholding.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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