Graham's Magazine, Vol. XL, No. 4, April 1852Various
General
Graham's Magazine, Vol. XL, No. 4, April 1852
Various
Literature -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
unfortunate state of mind, in which one knows just too much or too
little; in which a certain degree of knowledge necessarily requires more
to prevent its running astray. There is a degree of pride which renders
one ridiculous, contemptible; a greater degree checks its
manifestation—governs it. One is vanity; the other despises vanity.
Such a relation did Ella’s science bear to true philosophy as vanity
does to pride;—_and she played with it_. One must, one will destroy the
other. Had her uncle known her infatuation, one word would have
dispelled every shadow of it.
Oftentimes the college friends would turn their conversation to days
long past, to reminiscences of their sojourn in Italy. The lore of
classic and romantic associations of that wonderful country; the graphic
illustrations of life, and scenes, and elegance, and delights, in that
delicious clime, enchanted their young listener. Dissertations on the
political changes there enacting; surmises of changes impending,
necessarily drew forth a detail of social, historic and scenic minutiæ,
that expanded her young mind to poetic conceptions; distance lent its
enchantment to the view, and her rich fancy glowed with the beauty of
its imaginings. A longing, secret and subtle at first, then craving and
irrepressible, to taste the sweets of forbidden fruit, took possession
of her. She was betrothed at that time; she knew that with Roderick she
could not enjoy those pleasures; she ought and did know that this
longing would breed discontent;—hence the subtle manner of its entering
on possession of her heart. Long she repelled it; principle forbade it;
her reasonings were very nice; and lax as she may have become
speculatively, she nourished a high-minded honor that would have done
credit to any child of Adam. Soon she thought it no harm to enjoy the
victory she had, with so great an effort, gained over herself;
frequently she did so. Then her sophistry came to the attack; she might
have regrets in secret, she thought, and they might not be at all
detrimental to her husband’s happiness; hers would be the only loss, the
only pain, if pain there were;—and she let her longing take its way.
Still, she loved her betrothed as much as ever, none the less on that
account; it is true she became a shade more thoughtful, not quite so
light-hearted as she was, but she did not notice any change. If her
heart lost any of its feeling, her harp did not. She took it more
rarely; her touch was bolder, and still more delicate; a beautiful
originality undulated more in her modulations, and she played more
without the words than she ever did before. Her spirit was more
self-dependent. There was something of the wild energy of insidious
despair.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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