Graham's Magazine, Vol. XLI, No. 3, September 1852Various
General
Graham's Magazine, Vol. XLI, No. 3, September 1852
Various
Literature -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
shed its light, and the snow fell fast over the solitary spot—and again
I paced the carpets of the drawing-rooms. No matter: it was yet good
time for visiting, it was early yet, and a visit I should certainly have
that night; and many a face passed in the _camera obscura_ of my
mind—many a vision of my expected visitor. First, I saw one that had
been very kind to me, but that I had been less kind to; one of these
that we esteem, but can neither like nor love; but now, this night, if
that person would come, I should be so kind, so—it would not be my
fault if that person did not feel amiable and loveable. And then there
was somebody who had wronged me, and made me suffer. Oh! that _she_
might come, that I might do her good instead—that I might make her rich
and happy; it would give me the greatest pleasure. And then there was a
man that was more to me than I to him—that I liked; a brilliant,
interesting man, that did not like me, but who was interested by me,
liked to talk with me, and was a friend of mine. Oh! if he should come;
he would love me, perhaps fall in love with me that evening! There was
in me so much of that fire which makes every thing light up and radiate.
Was he quite fire-proof? Well, still his spirit would light up by the
light of mine; I knew it, and we would have such a talk about stars and
showers of stars; about Copernicus, and Taylor, and Newton; and about
electricity, and alchemy, and Berzelius: we would have such a great
intellectual treat and conversation! And then there was another man,
that liked me well, and would offer me heart and hand, if I would like
him. Like him I could not; but feel very kindly, respectfully, almost
tenderly for him, that I could—I did; and then he was a very good and
very stately gentleman, and of a rank and fortune that well could
flatter a little worldly vanity, and I had my share. Ah! if he should
come this evening, and ask the question, I fear that I should not find
heart to ask delay to consider, and so forth; I fear I should say “Yes,”
at once, and fix my destiny before I was sure it was well. My heart was
too warm to be wise. I almost feared that he would come and ask me. But
then there was an elderly married man, and a genius, that I loved as
young women love elderly gentlemen who are geniuses, and are kind to
them—adoringly, passionately. Oh! that he might come. No danger of his
asking dangerous questions; no danger of becoming engaged to him, and
fixing one’s destiny before the heart was right fixed. If he should but
come—what a delight to indulge looking at him—to give vent to the flow
of thoughts and feelings with such a mind—to be inspired, and foolish,
and nonsensical, in a sublime sense, as well he could be—to hear the
effusions of that great heart, great as the world. He never had quite
understood me; I never had been quite myself with him; this evening I
should be so, he should know my heart. May-be he would ask me to do
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