Graham's Magazine, Vol. XXXIV, No. 4, April 1849Various
General
Graham's Magazine, Vol. XXXIV, No. 4, April 1849
Various
Literature -- Periodicals; Literature, Modern -- 19th century -- Periodicals
“It was only within the past twelvemonth, when surrounded by poverty,
and the victim of an incurable malady, that as I lay restlessly upon my
bed, the memory of my cruel conduct toward my innocent brother has
pressed heavily upon my mind. Often have I busied my brain with vain
conjectures respecting your fate—whether you still lived—and if you
had escaped the whirlpool of crime and sin within which the young and
unadvised are but too frequently engulfed. When I thought, as I
sometimes did, that you might have fallen—my sensations were those of
the most acute anguish, for I felt that the sin would all be mine, and
that at the judgment day I should be called to the throne of God to hear
him pronounce the fearful penalty for the murder of a brother’s soul.
“At length, through the illness of my daughter, who was very
unexpectedly thrown upon the benevolence of your wife, I obtained from
your servant some information concerning the family to whom I owed so
much, and discovered in the hand stretched forth to aid my child, the
wife of my discarded brother. It would be vain to attempt a description
of my emotions as I learned this fact. Joy that you were not forever
lost, predominated—and then was added shame, and a consciousness of my
own unworthiness to receive the benefits which henceforth you daily
conferred upon me, as I felt that you must have recognized me—for I had
given to your wife an account of my previous life. Each successive
service lavished upon my family by your own, sunk like a weight of lead
upon my heart, while as I saw how generously you repaid me for the evil
I had committed against you, I longed to cast myself at your feet and
supplicate forgiveness. But one thought deterred me. It was the fear
that you might deem me actuated by interested motives—by the desire to
leave my daughter at my death under the care of her now wealthy uncle.
And so, for a time, I set aside the yearning for a reconciliation. But
it returned with double force when this, which I know will be my last
illness, came upon me, and I felt that I could not die happily without
hearing from your lips a pardon for my misdeed.”
The weeping Julie had stood by the bedside listening attentively as her
father spoke, one hand resting affectionately in her uncle’s, while the
other was clasped in that of his wife. Though scarcely six years old
when Harry Colman was dismissed from his brother’s house, she had ever
retained a vivid recollection of the event. She remembered how
passionately she had wept when told by her nurse that she would probably
never again behold her favorite, and how indignant she had felt when
they said that it was owing to his own naughty conduct he had been sent
away—while her ignorance of the fact that her uncle’s name was not the
same as her father’s prevented a recognition of him when they again met.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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