Grandma Perkins and the Space Pirates — John Shaqi
Grandma Perkins and the Space PiratesMcConnell, James V.
Science
Grandma Perkins and the Space Pirates
McConnell, James V.
Older women -- Fiction; Science fiction; Space pirates -- Fiction; Space ships -- Fiction
"Then I'll make it a short story. You see, Johnny, I'm an old woman.
I'll be 152 this year. And ever since Omar, my husband, died a few
years ago, I've lived from pillar to post. First with one child and
then with another. They've all been married for decades now of course,
with children and grandchildren of their own. And I guess that I just
get in their way. There just isn't much left in life for a feeble old
woman like me." She sniffled a moment or two as if to cry. Johnny,
remembering the heavy box in her cabin that got moved up and down
without his help, suppressed a smile on the word "feeble."
"There aren't many friends my age left around any more. So I'm being
sent to Earth to a home full of dear, sweet old ladies my age, the
money for which is being provided by my dear, sweet children--all ten
of them." Grandma dabbed a bit of a handkerchief at her eyes. "The
rats," she muttered under her breath. When she saw her companion was
smiling she dropped her pretense of crying.
"To be truthful, Johnny, they've grown old and stodgy, all of them.
And I'm sure they think I've lost most of my marbles. Everything I did
embarrassed them, so I guess it's for the best, but--"
Grandma Perkins never finished the sentence, for interrupting her came
the horrendous clang of the _Kismet's_ general alarm, and on its heels,
charging through the main salon like a rhinoceros in heat, came Captain
Fogarty.
"PIRATES! PIRATES! We're being attacked by space pirates! You there!"
he shouted at Johnny. "Man your station! And you, Madam, to your
quarters at once! PIRATES!" he shouted again and barged through the
door again and bellowed down the hall to the main bridge.
Johnny was off like a startled rabbit, but Grandma moved with serene
calmness to the door. Maybe, she thought, we're going to have a little
excitement after all.
At the door to the steps leading to her downstairs cabin she paused to
think.
"If I go down and hide, I'll miss all the fun. Of course, it's safer,
and an old woman like me shouldn't be up and about when pirates are
around, but--" A delicious smile spread over her face as she took her
scruples firmly in hand and turned to follow the bellowing Captain
towards the bridge.
II
The Starship _Kismet_ was the pride and joy of Stellar Transportation
and Atomic Research. It was outfitted with every known safety device
and the control room was masterfully planned for maximum efficiency.
But the astral architect who designed her never anticipated the
situation facing her at the present. The _Kismet's_ bridge was a welter
of confusion.
The Senior Watch Officer was shouting at his assistant, the Navigator
was cursing out the Pilot and the Gunnery Officer, whose job had been
a sinecure until now, was bellowing at them all. Above the hubbub,
suddenly, came the raucous voice of Captain Fogarty as he stalked onto
the bridge.
"What in great space has happened to the motors? Why are we losing
speed?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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