"Pirates! I'm hiding from the pirates. They'll never find me here!" she told them in a voice she hoped sounded full of panic. "What's your name?" asked the voice. "Darling Toujours, famous television actress," she lied quite calmly. "That's the one, boys," said another voice. "Let's go." Catching hold of Grandma's arm, they led her out into the emptiness of free space. * * * * * Half an hour later, after the pirate ship had blasted far enough away from the _Kismet_, the men in the control room relaxed and began to take off their space suits. One of the men who Grandma soon learned was Lamps O'Toole, the nominal leader of the pirates, stretched his brawny body to ease the crinks out of it and then rubbed his hands together. Grandma noticed that he carried a week's beard on his face, as did most of the other men. "Well, that was a good one, eh, Snake?" said Lamps. Snake Simpson was a wiry little man whose tough exterior in no way suggested a reptile, except, perhaps, for his eyes which sat too close to one another. "You bet, Skipper. We're full fledged pirates now, just like old Captain Blackbrood." "You mean Blackbeard, Snake," said Lamps. "Sure. He used to sit around broodin' up trouble all the time." One of the other men piped up. "And to think we get the pleasurable company of the sweetest doll in the whole solar system for free besides the money." "Aw, women are no dern good--all of them," said Snake. "Now, Snake, that's no way to talk in front of company. You just apologize to the lady," Lamps told him. Lamps was six inches taller and fifty pounds heavier than Snake. Snake apologized. "That's better. And now, Miss Toujours, maybe you'd be more comfortable without that space suit on," he said. "Oh, no, thank you. I feel much better with it on," a small voice said over the suit's loudspeaker system. Lamps grinned. "Oh, come now, Miss Toujours. We ain't going to hurt you. I guarantee nobody will lay a finger to you." "But I feel much--much safer, if you know what I mean," said the voice. "Heck. With one of them things on, you can't eat, can't sleep, can't--Well, there's lots of things you can't do with one of them things on. Besides, we all want to take a little look at you, if you don't mind. Snake, you and Willie help the little lady out of her attire." As the men approached her, Grandma sensed the game was up. "Okay," she told them. "I give up. I can make it by myself." She started to take the bulky covering off. She had gotten no more than the headpiece off when the truth dawned on her companions. "Holy Smoke (or something like that)," said one of the men. "Nippin' Nebulae," said another. "It ain't Darling Toujours at all!" cried Lamps. "It ain't even no woman!" cried Snake. "I beg your pardon," said Grandma, and quite nonchalantly shed the rest of the suit and sat down in a comfortable chair. "I am Mrs. Matilda Perkins."