Gray youth: The story of a very modern courtship and a very modern marriageOnions, Oliver
General
Gray youth: The story of a very modern courtship and a very modern marriage
Onions, Oliver
Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Women -- Social and moral questions -- Fiction
Amory's refuge from herself at that time was to walk the streets until
she was ready to drop with fatigue. North, south, east, and west she
went, numbing herself with mechanical movement, exhausting herself with
speculations that even for herself had no interest. Faces passing,
passing, for ever passing, seemed to lend her a stupor; they seemed,
not individuals, but aspects of one general, horrible human phenomenon.
Sometimes, in this multiple beast of a crowd, her heart palpitated as
the heart of a bird palpitates before a spinning, fascinating snare.
Sometimes for an hour at a time she would see nothing but eyes--eyes
various in shape and colour as the pebbles on a beach, sometimes
looking into hers, sometimes looking past her, sometimes tipped with
arrowheads of white as they turned, sometimes only to be seen under
their lowered lids as a finger-nail is to be seen under the finger
of a glove. She wondered how many of them, like her own, were seeing
nothing but eyes too. She wondered on what pillows they closed, within
what walls, behind what doors and windows, with what other eyes sealed
by their sides.... And at other times she saw nothing but doors and
windows. As if she had been paid to keep a catalogue of these things,
she counted and classified the fanlights of Lincoln's Inn and the
Bloomsbury Squares, the high-railinged balconies of the tenements
behind Victoria Street and Shaftesbury Avenue, the numbers on Soho
doors, the window-boxes of Mayfair. Then there would take her the
fancy that everybody she saw knew everybody else, as the bees of a
hive may be supposed to know one another, and that she alone was an
intruder and unknown. And for a time she rather liked that. It gave
her a sense of specialness. But presently it began to frighten her
a little. The specialness turned to an intolerable loneliness. Her
elbows touched theirs, but they were remoter from her than the stars.
If she could have stopped one of them and asked it what name it bore
it would have been rather a relief; to know even a name would have
been something; it would have helped in that frightening blankness,
and she would have been quite willing to tell her own name in return.
But she knew nothing about them--nothing, nothing. Even their sex (if
Weiniger was to be believed) was a matter of presumption. Of course
some had beards and some had not, but that was a shallow, superficial
view. No doubt with the advance of knowledge (she fancied Galton had
said something of the sort) beards might be bred on every face, or bred
out of existence entirely. Amory hoped the latter. Mr. Jowett, at the
McGrath (she remembered), had once lifted his moustache to show her the
growth and construction of the ornament, and it had not struck her as
a pretty sight; and she could not have endured Cosimo with a beard. It
would have been a contradiction of all she found most sympathetic in
Cosimo. That nice, friendly other girl Amory was ready to choose for
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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