EDSTASTON [astonished]. Do you mean to say you are not drunk? PATIOMKIN. Not dead drunk, darling. Only diplomatically drunk. As a drunken hog, I have done for you in five minutes what I could not have done in five months as a sober man. Your fortune is made. She likes you. EDSTASTON. The devil she does! PATIOMKIN. Why? Aren't you delighted? EDSTASTON. Delighted! Gracious heavens, man, I am engaged to be married. PATIOMKIN. What matter? She is in England, isn't she? EDSTASTON. No. She has just arrived in St. Petersburg. THE PRINCESS DASHKOFF [returning]. Captain Edstaston, the Empress is robed, and commands your presence. EDSTASTON. Say I was gone before you arrived with the message. [He hurries out. The other three, too taken aback to stop him, stare after him in the utmost astonishment.] NARYSHKIN [turning from the door]. She will have him knouted. He is a dead man. THE PRINCESS DASHKOFF. But what am I to do? I cannot take such an answer to the Empress. PATIOMKIN. P-P-P-P-P-P-W-W-W-W-W-rrrrrr [a long puff, turning into a growl]! [He spits.] I must kick somebody. NARYSHKIN [flying precipitately through the central doors]. No, no. Please. THE PRINCESS DASHKOFF [throwing herself recklessly in front of Patiomkin as he starts in pursuit of the Chamberlain]. Kick me. Disable me. It will be an excuse for not going back to her. Kick me hard. PATIOMKIN. Yah! [He flings her on the bed and dashes after Naryshkin.] THE THIRD SCENE In a terrace garden overlooking the Neva. Claire, a robust young English lady, is leaning on the river wall. She turns expectantly on hearing the garden gate opened and closed. Edstaston hurries in. With a cry of delight she throws her arms round his neck. CLAIRE. Darling! EDSTASTON [making a wry face]. Don't call me darling. CLAIRE [amazed and chilled]. Why? EDSTASTON. I have been called darling all the morning. CLAIRE [with a flash of jealousy]. By whom? EDSTASTON. By everybody. By the most unutterable swine. And if we do not leave this abominable city now: do you hear? now; I shall be called darling by the Empress. CLAIRE [with magnificent snobbery]. She would not dare. Did you tell her you were engaged to me? EDSTASTON. Of course not. CLAIRE. Why? EDSTASTON. Because I didn't particularly want to have you knouted, and to be hanged or sent to Siberia myself. CLAIRE. What on earth do you mean? EDSTASTON. Well, the long and short of it is--don't think me a coxcomb, Claire: it is too serious to mince matters--I have seen the Empress; and-- CLAIRE. Well, you wanted to see her. EDSTASTON. Yes; but the Empress has seen me. CLAIRE. She has fallen in love with you! EDSTASTON. How did you know? CLAIRE. Dearest: as if anyone could help it. EDSTASTON. Oh, don't make me feel like a fool. But, though it does sound conceited to say it, I flatter myself I'm better looking than Patiomkin and the other hogs she is accustomed to. Anyhow, I daren't risk staying.